7 Biblical Tips for Cultivating True Friends
"Friendship arises from simple companionship when two or more companions discover that they have in common a vision or an interest or even a taste that others do not share and that, up to that moment, everyone believed was their own unique treasure (or burden ). The typical expression of Friendship's opening would be something like, 'What? You too? I thought I was the only one. '”- CS Lewis, The Four Loves
It is wonderful to find a mate who shares something in common with us which then turns into a true friendship. However, there are times when making and sustaining lasting friendships isn't easy.
For adults, life can get busy with balancing various responsibilities at work, at home, in family life, and in other activities. Finding time to nurture friendships can be difficult, and there will always be those we struggle to connect with. Creating true friendships takes time and effort. Are we making it a priority? Are there things we can do to start and continue a friendship?
God's truth from the Bible can help us in times when finding, making, and maintaining friendships can be difficult.
What is friendship?
“Whoever has untrustworthy friends soon ends up in ruin, but there is a friend who keeps closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).
The union between God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit reveals a closeness and a relationship that we all desire, and God invites us to be part of it. People were made for companionship as bearers of the image of the triune God and it was declared that it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).
God created Eve to help Adam and walked with them in the Garden of Eden before the fall. He was relational with them and they were relational towards him and each other. Even after Adam and Eve sinned, it was the Lord who first embraced them and unfolded His plan of redemption against the evil one (Genesis 3:15).
Friendship is most clearly demonstrated in the life and death of Jesus. He said, “No one has a greater love than this, who gave his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead I have called you friends, because all that I have learned from my Father I have made known to you "(John 15: 13-15).
Jesus revealed himself to us and withheld nothing, not even his life. When we follow and obey him, we are called his friends. It is the splendor of God's glory and the exact representation of His nature (Hebrews 1: 3). We can come to know God because he became flesh and made himself known to us. He gave his life for us. Being known and loved by God and being called His friends should motivate us to be friends with others out of love and obedience to Jesus. We can love others because He loved us first (1 John 4:19).
7 ways to create friendships
1. Pray for one or two close friends
Have we asked God to make friends? He takes care of us and knows everything we need. It may never have been something we would have thought of praying for.
In 1 John 5: 14-15 it says: “This is the trust we have in him, that if we ask for something according to his will, he listens to us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask him, we know that we have the requests that we asked him “.
In faith, we can ask Him to bring someone into our life to encourage us, challenge us, and continue to point us to Jesus. If we have asked God to help us cultivate close friendships that can encourage us in our faith and life, we must believe that He will answer us. We expect God to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine through His power at work in us (Ephesians 3:20).
2. Search the Bible for wisdom about friendship
The Bible is full of wisdom, and the book of Proverbs has a lot to say about friendship, including choosing friends wisely and being a friend. Talk about good advice from a friend: “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and a friend's pleasantness comes from their sincere advice” (Proverbs 27: 9).
It also warns against those who can break friendships: "A wicked person stirs up conflict and gossip separates close friends" (Proverbs 16:28) and "Whoever promotes love is covering up an offense, but whoever repeats the matter will closely separates friends "(Proverbs 17: 9).
In the New Testament, Jesus is our greatest example of what it means to be a friend. He says, "No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). From Genesis to Revelation we see the story of God's love and friendship with people. He always chased us. Will we pursue others with the same love that Christ had for us?
3. Be a friend
It is not just about our edification and what we can achieve from a friendship. Philippians 2: 4 says, "Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" and 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and edify one another, just as you are really doing."
There are many who are alone and in trouble, eager for a friend and someone to listen to. Who can we bless and encourage? Is there anyone we should know? Not every acquaintance or person we help will become close friends. However, we are called to love our neighbor and also our enemies, and to serve those we meet and to love them as Jesus does.
As Romans 12:10 says: “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo each other in showing honor. "
4. Take the initiative
Taking a step in faith can be really difficult. Asking someone to meet for coffee, invite someone to our house or do something we hope will help someone can take courage. There can be all kinds of barriers. Perhaps he is overcoming shyness or fear. Maybe there is a cultural or social wall that needs to be broken, a prejudice that needs to be challenged or we just need to trust that Jesus will be with us in all of our interactions.
It can be difficult and following Jesus is not easy, but there is no better way to live. We must be intentional and open our hearts and homes to those around us, showing hospitality and kindness and loving them as Christ loves us. It was Jesus who began the redemption by pouring out his grace on us when we were still enemies and sinners against God (Romans 5: 6-10). If God can bestow such extraordinary grace upon us, we can bestow the same grace upon others.
5. Live sacrificially
Jesus always moved from place to place, meeting people other than the crowd and meeting their physical and spiritual needs. However, he continually found time to spend with His Father in prayer and with His disciples. Ultimately, Jesus lived a life of sacrifice when He obeyed His Father and placed His life on the cross for us.
Now we can be friends of God because He died for our sin, reconciling ourselves in a right relationship with Him. We must do the same and live a life that is less about us, more about Jesus and is unselfish towards others. By being transformed by the Savior's sacrificial love, we are able to love others radically and invest in people as Jesus did.
6. Stand by Friends in ups and downs
A true friend is steadfast and will remain in times of trouble and pain as well as in times of joy and celebration. Friends share both evidence and results and are transparent and sincere. The close friendship shared between David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel 18: 1 proves this: "As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was united with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his soul." Jonathan showed kindness to David when his father, King Saul, pursued David's life. David trusted Jonathan to help persuade his father to give in, but also to warn him if Saul was still after his life (1 Samuel 20). After Jonathan was killed in battle, David was grieved, which showed the depth of their relationship (2 Samuel 1: 25-27).
7. Remember that Jesus is the last friend
It can be difficult to make true and lasting friendships, but because we trust the Lord to help us with this, we need to remember that Jesus is our last friend. He calls the believers his friends because he has opened up to them and has not hidden anything (John 15:15). He died for us, he loved us first (1 John 4:19), he chose us (John 15:16), and when we were still far from God he brought us close with his blood, shed for us on the cross (Ephesians 2:13).
He is a friend of sinners and promises never to leave or abandon those who trust in him. The foundation of a true and lasting friendship will be that which spurs us to follow Jesus throughout our life, desiring to finish the race towards eternity.