How to forgive someone who hurt you

Forgiveness does not always mean forgetting. But it means moving forward.

Forgiving others can be difficult, especially when we have been injured, rejected or offended by someone we trust. In a church where I have served in the past, I remember a member, Sophia, who told me about her personal battle with forgiveness.

When Sophia was young, her father left the family. They faced many difficulties and his anger against him grew. Eventually, Sophia got married and had children, but she still hasn't been able to solve her problems of abandonment and has resented her father even more.

Sophia went on to explain how she enrolled in a six-week Bible study program based on habits, hang-ups and injuries. The program brought back his unresolved problems with his father. During one of the sessions, the facilitator noted that forgiveness frees people from the weight created by others.

He told the group that no one should be held captive by the pain others have caused. Sophia asked herself, "How could I get rid of the pain my father caused me?" His father was no longer alive, but the memory of his actions prevented Sophia from moving forward.

The thought of forgiving his father challenged Sophia. It would mean that she needed to accept what he had done to her and her family, and to be well. In one of the class sessions, the facilitator suggested writing a letter to the person who injured them. Sophia decided to do it; it was time to let him go.

He wrote about all the pain and anger his father had caused. He shared how his refusal and abandonment influenced his life. She ended up writing that she was now ready to forgive him and move on.

After completing the letter, he read it aloud on an empty chair representing his father. This was the beginning of his healing process. During the last lesson, Sophia shared with the group that writing the letter was one of the best things I have ever done. She felt free of pain and ready to move on.

When we forgive others, this does not mean that we forget what they have done, even if in some cases people do it. This means that we are no longer emotionally and spiritually held hostage by their actions. Life is too short; we must learn to forgive. If not with our power, we can with the help of God.