Devotion to Jesus: his mental pains in his passion

THE MENTAL PAIN OF JESUS ​​IN HIS PASSION

of Blessed Camilla Battista from Varano

These are some of the most devoted things concerning the internal pains of blessed Jesus Christ, whom he through his pity and grace deigned to communicate to a religious devotee of our Order of Saint Clare, who, wanting God, confided them to me. Now I refer to them below for the benefit of the souls in love with the passion of Christ.

First pain that blessed Christ carried in his heart for all the damned

After a brief introduction, the first pain of the Heart of Christ is presented caused by those who did not repent of their sins before dying. In these pages there is an echo of the doctrine of St. Paul's "mystical body" on the Church which, like the physical body, is made up of many members, the Christians, and the Head who is Jesus himself. Hence the suffering that this mystical body and in particular the Head feels if its limbs are torn. Camilla Battista states that we should reflect on the punishment of the Heart of Christ for every amputation caused by mortal sin, committing ourselves to avoid it.

There was a soul very eager to feed and satiate oneself with food, bitter as poison, of the passion of the loving and sweet Jesus, who, after many years and by his marvelous grace, was introduced into the mental pains of the bitter sea of ​​his Passionate heart.

She told me that for a long time she had prayed to God that he would drown her in the sea of ​​her inner pains and that the sweetest Jesus deigned for his pity and grace to introduce her into that very wide sea not only once, but many times and in such an extraordinary way so much so that she was forced to say: "Enough, my Lord, because I cannot bear so much pain!".

And this I believe because I know that He is generous and kind to those who ask for these things with humility and perseverance.

That blessed soul told me that, when he was in prayer, he said to God with great fervor: “O Lord, I beg you to introduce me into that most sacred thalamus of your mental pains. Drown me in that bitter sea because I want to die there if you like it, my sweet life and my love.

Tell me, O Jesus my hope: how great was the pain of this anguished heart of yours? ".

And blessed Jesus said to her: “Do you know how great my pain was? How great was the love I brought to the creature ”.

That blessed soul told me that on other occasions God had made her capable, however much he liked, to welcome the love that he brought to the creature.

And on the subject of the love that Christ brought to the creature he told me devout and so beautiful things that, if I wanted to write them, it would be a long thing. But since now I intend to narrate only the mental pains of the blessed Christ that that nun communicated to me, I will keep the rest silent.

Let's go back to the topic.

She reported that when God said to her: "As great was the pain as great was the love I brought to the creature", it seemed to her that she was failing because of the infinite greatness of the love that was shared in her. Only when she heard that word did she have to rest her head somewhere because of the great anxiety that gripped her heart and the weakness she felt in all her limbs. And after it had been somewhat like this, he regained some strength and said: "O my God, having told me how great the pain was, tell me how many pains you have brought into your heart".

And He replied sweetly:

“Know, daughter, that they were innumerable and infinite, because innumerable and infinite are the souls, my limbs, who separated from me for the mortal sin. In fact, each soul separates and separates many times from me, its leader, for how many times it mortally sins.

This was one of the cruel pains that I carried and felt in my heart: the laceration of my limbs.

Think how much suffering he feels who is martyred with the rope with which the limbs of his body are torn. Now imagine that martyrdom was mine for as many members separated from me as there will be damned souls and each member for as many times as mortally sinned. The disjunction of a spiritual member compared to the physical one is much more painful because the soul is more precious than the body.

How much more precious the soul of the body cannot be understood by you and no other living person, because only I know the nobility and usefulness of the soul and the misery of the body, because only I have created both the one and the 'other. Consequently, neither you nor others can truly be able to understand my cruel and bitter pains.

And now I'm only talking about this, that is, the damned souls.

Since in the way of sinning there is a more serious case than another, so in the dismemberment by me I felt greater or lesser punishment from one compared to another. Hence the quality and quantity of punishment.

Since I saw that their perverse will would be eternal, so the punishment destined for them is eternal; in hell one has greater or lesser punishment than the other for how much more numerous and greater sins he has committed than one another.

But the cruel pain that tormented me was to see that the aforementioned infinite members of mine, that is, all the damned souls, never, never and never would ever reunite with me, their true Head. Above all the other pains that those poor and unfortunate souls may have and will have eternally, it is precisely this "never, never" that forever torments and torments them.

I was so tormented by this pain of "never, never", that I would have immediately chosen to suffer not only once but infinite times all the disjunctions that were, are and will be, provided that I had been able to see not all of them, but at least one soul to reunite with the living or elected members who will live forever of the spirit of life that proceeds from me, true life, which gives life to every living being.

Now consider how much a soul is dear to me if, in order to reunite one with me, I would have liked to suffer infinite times all the pains and multiply. But know also that the punishment of this "never, never" so much afflicts and sorrows for my divine justice those souls, who too would prefer a thousand and infinite pains just to hope for a few moments to reunite sometimes to me, their true Chief.

Just as the quality and quantity of the punishment they gave me in separating from me was different, so for my justice the punishment corresponds to the type and quantity of each sin. And since above all else that "never, never" afflicted me, so my justice demands that this "never, never" pains and afflicts them more than any other pain they have and will have forever.

So think and reflect how much suffering for all the damned souls I felt inside me and felt in my heart until I died ”.

That blessed soul told me that at this point a holy desire arose in his soul, which he believed was by divine inspiration, to present the following doubt to him. Then with great fear and reverence not to seem to want to investigate the Trinity and yet with utmost simplicity, purity and confidence he said: "O sweet and grieved my Jesus, many times I meant to say that You brought and tried in You, or passionate God, the penalties of all the damned. If you like it, my Lord, I would like to know if it is true that You have felt that variety of pains of hell, such as cold, heat, fire, beatings and the tearing of your limbs by infernal spirits. Tell me, my Lord, did you hear this, my Jesus?

Just to report what I am writing, it seems to me that my heart melts thinking about your kindness in speaking so sweetly and for a long time with those who truly seek and desire you ”.

Then blessed Jesus replied graciously and it seemed to her that this question was not displeased, but she had appreciated it: “I, my daughter, did not feel this diversity of the pains of the damned in the way you say, because they were dead and detached from me , their body and Cape.

I will give you this example: if you had a hand or a foot or any other member, while it is being cut or separated from you you would feel great and unspeakable pain and suffering; but after that hand was cut, even if it were thrown into the fire, they tore it or fed it to dogs or wolves, you would feel neither pain nor pain, because it is now a putrid member, dead and completely separated from the body . But knowing that he was a member of you, you would suffer a lot in seeing him thrown on the fire, torn by someone or devoured by wolves and dogs.

This is exactly what happened to me regarding my innumerable damned limbs or souls. As long as the dismemberment lasted and therefore there was life expectancy I felt unthinkable and infinite pains and also all the troubles that they suffered during this life, because until their death there was hope of being able to reunite with me, if they wanted to.

But after death I felt no pain because they were now dead, putrid, detached from me, cut and completely excluded from living forever in me, real life.

However, considering that they had been my real members, it caused me an unthinkable and incomprehensible pain to see them in the eternal fire, in the mouth of the infernal spirits and in the grip of innumerable other sufferings.

So this is the inner pain I felt for the damned ”.

Second sorrow that blessed Christ carried in his heart for all the elected members

From the beginning of this chapter it is Jesus who speaks, saying that the suffering for the tearing of a member from the body was felt by his heart even when a believer sinned who would then repent, saving himself. This suffering is comparable to a sick member that causes pain to the whole healthy part of the body.

We also find thoughts regarding the pains suffered by those in purgatory.

Some expressions, attributed to the nun who had told the divine confidences, confirm the seriousness of sin, even venial.

“The other pain that pierced my heart was for all the elect.

In fact, know that all that afflicted and tormented me for the damned members, in the same way afflicted and tormented me for the separation and disjunction from me of all the elected members who would have sinned mortally.

How great were the love that I eternally had for them and the life to which they united by doing good and from which they separated by mortally sinning, just as great was the pain that I felt for them, my true members.

The pain I felt for the damned differed from what I felt for the elect only in this: for the damned, being dead members, I no longer felt their pain since they were separated from me with death; for the elect, on the other hand, I felt and felt every pain and bitterness in life and after death, that is, in life the sufferings and torments of all martyrs, the penances of all penitents, the temptations of all attempted, the infirmities of all sick and then persecutions, slanders, exiles. In short, I felt and felt so clearly and vividly every little or great suffering of all the elect still alive, as you would feel and feel deeply if they hit your eye, hand, foot or some other member of your body.

Think then how many martyrs there were and how many kinds of torture each of them sustained and then how many the sufferings of all the other elected members were and the variety of those penalties.

Consider this: if you had a thousand eyes, a thousand hands, a thousand feet and a thousand other limbs and in each of them you tried a thousand different pains that simultaneously provoke a single excruciating pain, wouldn't it seem to you a refined torture?

But my limbs, my daughter, were not thousands or millions, but infinite. Nor were the variety of those penalties thousands, but innumerable, because such were the pains of the saints, martyrs, virgins and confessors and of all the other elect.

In conclusion, as it is not possible for you to understand what and how many forms of bliss, glory and rewards are prepared for the righteous or the elect in heaven, so you cannot understand or know how many internal pains I have endured for the members elected. By divine justice these joys, glories and rewards must correspond to these sufferings; but I felt and felt in their diversity and quantity the pains that the elect would suffer after death in purgatory because of their sins, some more and some less according to what they had deserved. This is because they were not putrid and detached members like the damned, but they were living members who lived in me Spirit of life, prevented with my grace and blessing.

So, all those pains that you asked me if I had felt them for the damned members, I didn't feel them or I tried them for the reason I told you; but with regard to the elect, yes, because I felt and felt all the pains of purgatory that they should have sustained.

I will give you this example: if your hand for some reason dislocated or broke and, after an expert put it back in place, someone put it on the fire or beat it or bring it in the mouth of the dog, you would experience a very strong pain because he is a living member who must return perfectly united to the body; so I felt and felt within me all the pains of purgatory that my elected members had to suffer because they were living members who through those sufferings had to reunite perfectly with me, their true Head.

There is no difference or difference between the pains of hell and those of purgatory, except that those of hell will never, never, ever end, while those of purgatory do; and the souls who are here willingly and joyfully purify themselves and, although in pain, suffer in peace, giving thanks to me, supreme justice.

This is what concerns the inner pain that I suffered for the elect. "

So if God wanted me to be able to remember the devout words that at this point with a tearful cry she reported, saying that, having been made capable of understanding how much the Lord had liked the seriousness of sin, she now knew how much pain and martyrdom she had given to his beloved Jesus by separating himself from him, supreme Good, to unite with such vile things in this world that offer opportunities to sin.

I also remember that she, speaking between many tears, exclaimed:

“Oh, my God, many times I have procured you great and infinite pains, either damned or save that I am. O Lord, I never knew that sin offended you so much, I believe then that I would never have sinned even slightly. However, my God, do not take into account what I say, because despite this I would do even worse if your pitiful hand did not support me.

But you, my sweet and benign lover, no longer seem to me a God but rather a hell because these pains of yours that you make me known are many. And you really seem more than hell to me. "

So many times, for holy simplicity and compassion, he called it hell.

Third pain that blessed Christ brought into his heart for the glorious Virgin Mary

A third reason for deep suffering in the heart of Man-God was the pain of his sweet Mother. For the particular tenderness that Mary had towards this Son who was simultaneously the Son of the Most High, her pain was extraordinary compared to that of other parents who can experience experiencing the martyrdom of a child.

In addition to seeing the Mother suffer, Jesus felt great suffering in being prevented from being able to spare her pain.

The loving and blessed Jesus continued: “Listen, listen, my daughter, do not say this immediately, because I have yet to tell you very bitter things and especially about that sharp knife that passed and pierced my soul, that is, the pain of my pure and innocent Mother, who for my passion and death had to be so afflicted and sorrowful that never was she will be a person more grieved than her.

Therefore in heaven we have justly glorified and raised and rewarded it over all the angelic and human hosts.

We always do this: the more the creature in this world is afflicted, lowered and annihilated in itself for my sake, the more in the kingdom of the blessed for divine justice is raised, glorified and rewarded.

And since in this world there was no mother or any person more distressed than my sweet and heartfelt mother, so there is not up there, nor will there ever be a person like her. And as on earth she was similar to me in pain and affliction, so in heaven she is similar to me in power and glory, but without my divinity of which only we are the three Divine Persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

But know that all that I suffered and endured I, human God, suffered and suffered my poor and most holy Mother: except that I suffered in a high and perfect pious degree because I was God and man, while she was pure and simple creature without any divinity.

Her pain afflicted me so much that, if it would have pleased my eternal Father, it would have been a relief for me if her pains had fallen back on my soul and she had remained free from all suffering; it is true that my sufferings and wounds would have been doubled with a sharp and poisonous arrow, but this would have been a great relief for me and she would have remained without any pain. But because my indescribable martyrdom must have been without any consolation, I was not granted this grace even though I had asked for it several times out of filial tenderness and with many tears ”.

Then, says the nun, it seemed to her that her heart was failing because of the pain of the glorious Virgin Mary. He says that he felt a certain inner tension that he could not utter another word than this: "O Mother of God, I no longer want to call you Mother of God but rather Mother of pain, Mother of pain, Mother of all the afflictions that can be counted and to think. Well, from now on I will always call you Mother of pain.

He seems like hell to me and you seem to be the same. So how can I appeal to you if not Mother of sorrow? You are also a second hell. "

And he added:

“Enough, my Lord, do not speak to me anymore of the pains of your blessed Mother, because I feel I can no longer bear them. This is enough for me as long as I am alive, even if I could live a thousand years ”.

Fourth pain that blessed Christ brought into his heart for his beloved disciple Mary Magdalene

The painful experience of Mary Magdalene, present to the passion of the Lord, was second only to that of the Virgin Mary, because she loved Jesus without reserve, we would say as her "husband", without whom she did not give herself peace. This is the experience of consecrated souls, especially contemplative souls such as Camilla the Baptist, whose story we can recognize in the expression dictated by Jesus: "So every soul wants to be when it loves me and wishes affectionately: it does not give peace nor rest unless in me alone, his beloved God ”. Similar to Mary Magdalene, the Blessed did not give peace during the painful trial of the spiritual night.

Then Jesus, silent on this subject because he saw that she could no longer bear it, began to say to her:

“And what pain do you think that I sustained for the pain and affliction of my beloved disciple and blessed daughter Mary Magdalene?

You could never understand it, neither you nor any other person, because all the holy spiritual loves that never were and will have had its foundation and origin from her and from me. In fact, my perfection, of me who am the Master who loves, and the affection and goodness of her, beloved disciple, cannot be understood except by me. Something could understand who has experienced holy and spiritual love, loving and feeling loved; never, however, in that measure, because there is no such Master and not even such a disciple, since there was never any other of Maddalena than she alone.

It is rightly said that after my beloved Mother there was no person who more than she grieved for my passion and death. If another had afflicted more than her, after my resurrection I would have appeared to him before her; but since after my blessed Mother she was more afflicted and not others, so after my sweetest Mother she was the first to be consoled.

I made my beloved disciple John capable, in the joyful abandonment on my most sacred breast during the desired and intimate dinner, to clearly see my resurrection and the immense fruit that would flow to men from my passion and death. So, however much my beloved brother John felt more pain and suffering for my passion and death than all the other disciples, even though I knew what I was saying, do not think that he has overcome the beloved Magdalene. She did not have the ability to understand high and profound things like Giovanni, who would never have prevented me if my passion and death had been possible for the immense good that would come from it.

But it was not so for the beloved disciple Maddalena. In fact, when she saw me expire, it seemed to her that heaven and earth were missing, because in me were all her hope, all her love, peace and consolation, since she loved me without order and measure.

For this reason also his pain was without order and measure. And being able to know only me, I gladly carried it in my heart and I felt for her every tenderness that for holy and spiritual love you can feel and feel, because she loved me in a deep way.

And observe, if you want to know, that the other disciples after my death returned to the networks they had abandoned, because they were not yet completely detached from material things like this holy sinner. Instead she did not return to worldly and incorrect life; on the contrary, all on fire and burning with holy desire, no longer able to hope to see me alive, she looked for me dead, convinced that nothing else could now please her or satisfy her if not I, her dear Master, alive or dead that I was.

That this is true proves the fact that she, to find me dead, considered secondary and therefore left the living presence and companionship of my sweet Mother, who is the most desirable, lovable and pleasant that can be had after me.

And even the vision and the sweet conversations with the angels seemed to her nothing.

Thus you want to be every soul when you love me and desire affectionately: you do not give peace or rest except in me alone, his beloved God.

In short, it was so much the pain of this blessed dear disciple of mine that, if I had not supported her, she would have died.

This pain of hers was reflected in my passionate heart, so I was very distressed and distressed for her. But I did not allow her to fail in her pain, since I wanted to do what I did, that is, apostle of the apostles to announce to them the truth of my triumphal resurrection, as they then did to the whole world.

I wanted to do it and I made it a mirror, example, model of the whole blissful contemplative life in the solitude of thirty three years remaining unknown to the world, during which she was able to taste and experience the last effects of love as much as it is possible to taste, try, feel in this earthly life.

This is all about the pain I felt for my beloved disciple. "

Fifth pain that blessed Christ brought into his heart for his beloved and dear disciples

After choosing the apostles among many other disciples, in the three years of common life he treated them with particular familiarity to educate them and prepare them for the mission to which he intended them. Precisely because of the special relationship of love that took place between Christ and the apostles, He felt a particular suffering in his heart by taking upon himself the sufferings to which they would go to witness to witness his resurrection.

"The other pain that stabbed my soul was the continuous memory of the holy college of the Apostles, pillars of heaven and foundation of my Church on earth, which I saw as it would be scattered like sheep without a shepherd and I knew all the pains and martyrdoms that they should have suffered for me.

Know therefore that a father has never loved children with such a heart, nor a brother, brothers, or master, disciples, as I loved the blessed Apostles, my beloved children, brothers and disciples.

Although I have always loved all creatures with infinite love, nevertheless there was a particular love for those who actually lived with me.

As a result, I felt a particular pain for them in my afflicted soul. For them, in fact, more than for me, I said that bitter word: 'My soul is sad to the death', given the great tenderness that I felt in leaving them without me, their father and faithful teacher. This caused me such distress that this physical separation from them seemed to me a second death.

If you thought carefully about the words of the last speech I addressed to them, there would not be a heart hardened enough not to be moved by all those affectionate words that gushed from my heart, which seemed to burst in my chest for the love I brought them.

Add that I saw who would be crucified because of my name, who beheaded, who skinned alive and who in any case would have closed their existence for my love with various martyrs.

In order to understand how heavy this pain was for me, make this hypothesis: if you had a person you love and to whom, because of you and precisely because you love him, you are addressed with abusive words or done something that you are sorry, oh, how it would really hurt that you are the cause of such suffering for her that you love so much! Instead, you would like and seek that she could always have peace and joy because of you.

Now I, my child, became for them not because of insulting words, but because of death, and not for one but for all. And of this pain that I felt for them I cannot give you another example: what you have said is enough, if you want to feel compassion for me ".

Sixth pain that blessed Christ brought into his heart for the ingratitude of his beloved traitor Judas Judas

Jesus had chosen Judas Iscariot as apostle together with the other eleven, he too had granted him the gift of performing miracles and had given him particular assignments. Despite this, he planned the betrayal that, even before it happened, tore the heart of the Redeemer.

Judas' ingratitude was contrasted by the sensitivity of the apostle John, who would have noticed the suffering of his Lord, according to what Varano writes in these pages full of deep emotion.

“Yet another eviscerated and intense pain plagued me continually and hurt my heart. It was like a knife with three very sharp and poisonous points that continually pierced like a thunderbolt and tortured my bitter heart like myrrh: that is, the perfidy and ingratitude of my beloved disciple Judas, unfair traitor, the hardness and perverse ingratitude of my chosen and beloved people Jewish, the blindness and malignant ingratitude of all creatures that were, are and will be.

Consider first of all how great Judah's ingratitude was.

I had chosen him in the number of apostles and, after having forgiven all his sins, I made him operator of miracles and administrator of what was given to me and I always showed him continuous signs of particular love so that he would return from his unjust purpose. But the more love I showed him, the more he was planning bad things against me.

How bitterly do you think I ruminated these things and many others in my heart?

But when I came to that affectionate and humble gesture of washing his feet together with all the others, then my heart melted into an eviscerated cry. Fountains of tears really came out of my eyes above his dishonest feet, while in my heart I exclaimed:

'O Judas, what have I done to you so that you cruelly betray me? O unfortunate disciple, isn't this the last sign of love I want to show you? O son of perdition, why do you stray so from your father and teacher? O Judas, if you desire thirty denarii, why don't you go to your Mother and mine, ready to sell herself to escape you and me from such a great and deadly danger?

O ungrateful disciple, I kiss your feet with much love and you will kiss my mouth with great betrayal? Oh, what a bad return you will give me! I mourn your perdition, dear and beloved son, and not my passion and death, because I have not come for any other reason.

These and other similar words I said to him with the heart, rigandogli the feet with my abundant tears.

But he did not notice it because I was kneeling before him with his head tilted as it happens in the gesture of washing the feet of others, but also because my thick long hair, being so bent, covered my face wet with tears.

But my beloved disciple John, since I had revealed to him in that painful supper everything of my passion, he saw and wrote down every gesture of mine; then he noticed the bitter cry I had made over Judas' feet. He knew and understood that every tear of mine originated from the tender love, like that of a father approaching death who is serving his only son and says in his heart: 'Son, do not worry, this is the last affectionate service that I can do to you. ' And I did just like that to Judas when I washed and kissed his feet, pulling them close and squeezing them with so much tenderness on my most sacred face.

All these unusual gestures and ways of me was noticing the blessed John the Evangelist, a true eagle with high flights, who, to great amazement and amazement, was more dead than alive. Being a very humble soul, he sat in the bottom seat so that he was the last one before which I knelt to wash my feet. It was at this point that he could no longer contain himself and being I on the ground and he sitting, he threw his arms around my neck and squeezed me for a long time as a distressed person does, shedding abundant tears. He spoke to me with the heart, without a voice, and said:

'O dear Master, brother, father, God and my Lord, what strength of soul has supported you in washing and kissing with your most sacred mouth those cursed feet of that traitor dog? O Jesus, my dear Master, leave us a great example. But we poor people who will do without you that you are all our good? What will your unfortunate poor mother do when I tell her this gesture of humility? IS

now, to make my heart break, do you want to wash my smelly and dirty feet of mud and dust and kiss them with your mouth as sweet as honey?

O my God, these new signs of love are for me an undeniable source of greater pain.

Having said these and other similar words which would have made a stone heart soften, she let herself be washed, holding out her feet with much shame and reverence.

I told you all this to give you some news of the pain that I felt in my heart for the ingratitude and impiety of the traitor Judas, who although I had given him love and signs of affection, so saddened me with his bad ingratitude ".

Seventh pain that Christ brought to his heart for the ingratitude of his beloved Jewish people

The account of this pain is short, but sufficient to describe Christ's inner punishment for the Jewish people from whom he had assumed human nature. After the extraordinary benefits granted to the fathers, the incarnate Son of God during his earthly life had done all kinds of good in favor of the people, who at the moment of the passion returned him with the cry: "To death, to death!", Which I tore his heart more than his ears.

“Think a little (my daughter) how great was the blow like an arrow with which it pierced me and made me afraid of the Jewish people, ungrateful and obstinate.

I had made him a holy and priestly people and had chosen him to be my inheritance, above all other peoples of the earth.

I had freed him from the slavery of Egypt, from the hands of Pharaoh, I had led him on dry feet across the Red Sea, for him I had been a shady column by day and light in the night.

I fed him manna for forty years, told him with my own mouth the Law on Mount Sinai, granted him many victories against his enemies.

I assumed human nature from him and all the time of my life I conversed with him and showed him the way to heaven. During that time I did many benefits to him, such as giving light to the blind, hearing to the deaf, walking to the paralyzed, life to their dead.

Now when I heard that with such fury they were shouting that Barabbas was released and I was sentenced to death and crucified, it seemed to me that my heart exploded.

My daughter, she cannot understand it except those who experience it, what pain it is to receive all evil from those who have received all good!

How hard it is for those who are innocent to be shouted by all the people: 'Die! die! ', while those who are prisoners like him but who are known to deserve a thousand deaths are shouted by the people:' Long live! Viva!'.

These are things to meditate and not to tell. "

Eighth pain that blessed Christ brought to his heart for the ingratitude of all creatures

This chapter presents some of the most beautiful pages of the Varanus which recognizes the innumerable divine benefits: "You, Lord, by grace were born in my soul ... In the darkness and darkness of the world you made me capable of seeing, hearing, speaking, walking , because truly I was blind, deaf and dumb to all spiritual things; you raised me in you, true life that gives life to every living thing ... » At the same time he feels the weight of his ingratitude: «Every time I have won, my victory has come from you alone and for you, while every time I have lost and lost it has been and it is for my malice and little love that I bring to you". Faced with the infinite divine love and pain of the Savior, the Blessed feels the gravity of even the slightest sin, therefore she identifies herself with those who have scourged and crucified Jesus and, forgetting all the other sinners, she considers herself a synthesis of the ingratitude of all creatures.

Illuminated by Christ, sun of justice, that blessed soul exposes this ingratitude with words spoken for itself and for every creature with reference to the graces and benefits received.

In fact, she says that she felt so much humility in her heart that she truly confessed to God and to the whole heavenly court that she had received more gifts and benefits from Judah from God and even received more of her alone than all the chosen people put together and whom she had betrayed Jesus much worse and more ungrateful than Judas and that much worse and more obstinately than that ungrateful people she had condemned him to death and crucified.

And with this holy reflection she placed her soul under the feet of the soul of the damned and cursed Judah and from that abyss raised voices, screams and weeps to her beloved God offended by her, such as: “My benign Lord, how can I thank you for what have you suffered for me who have treated you a thousand times worse than Judas?

You had made him your disciple, while you elected me your daughter and bride.

To him you have forgiven sins, to me also for your pity and grace you have forgiven all sins as if you had never done them.

You gave him the task of dispensing material things, you thanked me for dispensing many gifts and graces of your spiritual treasure.

You gave him the grace to work miracles, you did more than a miracle by voluntarily leading me to this place and to the consecrated life.

O my Jesus, I have sold you and betrayed you not once like him, but a thousand and infinite times. O my God, you know that worse than Judas I betrayed you with the kiss when, even under the semblance of spiritual friendship, I abandoned you and I approached the snares of death.

And if the ingratitude of that chosen people has troubled you so much, what will my ingratitude have been and is it for you? I have treated you worse than them, although I have received far more benefits from you, my true good.

O my sweetest Lord, I wholeheartedly thank you that, like the Jews from Egyptian slavery, you tore me from the slavery of the world, from sins, from the hands of the cruel pharaoh what is the hellish devil who dominated the soul at will my poor thing.

O my God, led on dry feet through the water of the sea of ​​worldly vanities, by your grace I went to the solitude of the desert of the holy cloistered religion where many times you fed me with your sweet manna, full of every flavor. In fact, I have experienced that all the pleasures of the world are nauseating in the face of your slightest spiritual consolation.

Thank you, Lord and my benevolent Father, who many times on Mount Sinai of holy prayer you gave me with your sweet holy Word the law written with the finger of your pity on the stone tablets of my hard rebellious heart.

I thank you, my most kind Redeemer, for all the victories you have given me over all my enemies, the capital vices: every time I have won, by you alone and for you my victory has come, while every time I have it was lost and I lose and it is because of my malice and the little love that I bring to you, my desired God.

You, Lord, by grace you were born in my soul and you showed me the way and gave the light and the light of truth to reach you, true paradise. In the darkness and darkness of the world you made me capable of seeing, hearing, speaking, walking, because truly I was blind, deaf and dumb to all spiritual things; you raised me in you, true life that gives life to every living thing.

But who crucified you? the.

Who scourged you on the column? I.

Who crowned you with thorns? I.

Who watered you with vinegar and gall? I".

In this way she reflected on all these painful mysteries, weeping with many tears, according to the grace that God gave her.

And in conclusion he said:

"My Lord, do you know why I tell you that I have done all these things to you? Because in your light I saw the light, that is [I understood] that much more afflicted and pained the mortal sins that I committed, than they did then afflict you and caused pain the people who inflicted all those physical torments on you.

So, my God, it is not necessary for you to let me know the pain that the ingratitude of all creatures gave you, because, after you have given me the grace to at least partially know my ingratitude, I can now always by grace that makes me reflect how much all the creatures have made you overall.

In this reflection I almost fail because of the amazement which, O my Jesus, arouse your immense charity and patience towards us, your ungrateful creatures, because never, never do you stop providing for all our spiritual, material and temporal needs.

And as you cannot know, my God, the innumerable things you have accomplished for these ungrateful creatures of yours in heaven, on earth, in water, in the air, so we will not be able to understand our very ingratitude.

I confess then and I believe that only you, my God, can know and know how much and what our ingratitude has been that as a poisoned arrow has pierced your heart as many times as there are creatures that were, are and will be and every time each of they exercised such ingratitude.

I therefore recognize and declare for myself and for all creatures such truth: as an instant passes neither now nor day nor month that we do not fully use your benefits, so does not pass an instant neither an hour nor a day nor a month without many and infinite ingratitudes.

And I believe and recognize that this bad ingratitude of ours was one of the most cruel pains of your afflicted soul ”.

(Final subscriptions)

I conclude these few words on the internal pains of Jesus Christ in his praise, Friday 12 September of the year of the Lord 1488. Amen.

I could refer many other things that nun said to me, to the utility and consolation of the readers; but God knows that out of prudence I keep myself despite the inner impulse and especially because that blessed soul is still in the prison of this miserable life.

Perhaps another time in the future God will inspire me to report other words of his which now I am silent out of prudence.