Can Jews Celebrate Christmas?

My husband and I have thought a lot about Christmas and Hanukkah this year and we would like to have your opinion on the best way to face Christmas as a Jewish family living in a Christian society.

My husband comes from a Christian family and we have always gone to his parents' house for the Christmas celebrations. I come from a Jewish family, so we always celebrated Hanukkah at home. In the past it didn't bother me that children were exposed to Christmas because they were too young to understand the big picture - it was mainly about seeing the family and celebrating another holiday. Now my oldest is 5 years old and starts asking for Santa Claus (Santa Claus also brings Hanukkah gifts? Who is Jesus?). Our youngest is 3 years old and is not yet fully present, but we wonder if it would be wise to continue celebrating Christmas.

We have always explained it as something grandmother and grandfather do and that we are happy to help them celebrate, but that we are a Jewish family. What is your opinion? How should a Jewish family deal with Christmas, especially when Christmas is such a production during the holiday season? (Not so much for Hanukkah.) I don't want my kids to feel like they're getting lost. Also, Christmas has always been an important part of my husband's Christmas celebrations and I think he would feel sad if his children didn't grow up with Christmas memories.

The rabbi's answer
I grew up next to German Catholics in a mixed suburb of New York City. As a child, I helped my "adoptive" aunt Edith and uncle Willie to decorate their tree on Christmas Eve afternoon and were expected to spend Christmas morning at their house. Their Christmas present was always the same to me: a one-year subscription to National Geographic. After my father remarried (I was 15), I spent some Christmas with my stepmother's Methodist family in some cities.

On Christmas Eve, Uncle Eddie, who had his natural padding and snow-covered beard, was playing a Santa Claus saluting on the throne on top of their city Hook-and-Ladder as he walked the streets of Centerport NY. I knew, loved and really missed this particular Santa Claus.

Your in-laws are not asking you and your family to attend Christmas church mass with them nor are they pretending Christian beliefs about your children. It seems that your husband's parents simply want to share the love and joy they feel when their family gets together in their home on Christmas. This is a good thing and a great blessing worthy of your unequivocal and unequivocal embrace! Life will rarely give you such a rich and teachable moment with your children.

As they should and as they always do, your children will ask you many questions about Christmas as a grandmother and grandfather. You could try something like this:

“We are Jews, grandmother and grandfather are Christians. We love going to their house and we love sharing Christmas with them just like they love to come to our house to share Easter with us. Religions and cultures are different from each other. When we are in their home, we love and respect what they do because we love and respect them. They do the same when they are at our house. "

When asked if you believe Santa or not, tell them the truth in terms they can understand. Keep it simple, straightforward and honest. Here is my answer:

“I believe the gifts come from the love we have for each other. Sometimes beautiful things happen to us in a way we understand, other times beautiful things happen and it's a mystery. I like the mystery and I always say "Thank God!" And no, I don't believe in Santa Claus, but many Christians do. Grandmother and grandfather are Christians. They respect what I believe in as well as respect in what they believe. I don't go around telling them I don't agree with them. I love them much more than I agree with them.

Instead, I find ways to share our traditions so that we can take care of each other even if we believe in different things. "

In short, your in-laws share their love for you and your family through Christmas in their home. The Jewish identity of your family is a function of how you live in the remaining 364 days of the year. Christmas with your in-laws has the potential to teach your children a deep appreciation for our multicultural world and the many different ways that people lead to the sacred.

You can teach your children much more than tolerance. You can teach them acceptance.

About Rabbi Marc Disick
Rabbi Marc L. Disick DD graduated from SUNY-Albany in 1980 with a degree in Judaic, Rhetoric and Communication. He lived in Israel for his junior year, attending the UAHC College Year Academy on Kibbutz Ma'aleh HaChamisha and for his first year of rabbinic studies at Hebrew Union College in Jerusalem. During his rabbinical studies, Disick worked for two years as a chaplain at Princeton University and completed courses for a Masters in Jewish Education at New York University before attending Hebrew Union College in New York where he was ordained in 1986.