The steps you need to take for a better confession

Just as daily Communion should be ideal for Catholics, frequent reception of the Sacrament of Confession is essential in our struggle against sin and in our growth in holiness.

For too many Catholics, however, Confession is something we do as infrequently as possible and, after the sacrament is over, we may not feel like we do when we have worthily received the Sacrament of Holy Communion. This is not because of a defect in the sacrament, but because of a defect in our approach to Confession. Approaching correctly, with a basic preparation, we may find ourselves eager to take the Sacrament of Confession as we must receive the Eucharist.

Here are seven passages that will help you make a better confession and fully embrace the graces offered by this sacrament.

1. Go to confession more often
If your confession experience has been frustrating or unsatisfactory, this may seem like strange advice. It's like the opposite of that old joke:

“Doctor, it hurts when I hit myself here. What should I do?"
"Stop rummaging."
On the other hand, as we have all heard, "practice makes perfect" and you will never make a better Confession unless you are actually going to Confession. The reasons why we often avoid confession are precisely the reasons why we should go more often:

I don't remember all my sins;
I get nervous when I enter the confessional;
I am afraid that I will forget something;
I'm not sure what I should or shouldn't confess.

The Church requires us to go to confession once a year, in preparation for our Easter duty; and, of course, we must go to confession before we receive communion whenever we are aware that we have committed a serious or mortal sin.

But if we want to treat Confession as an instrument of spiritual growth, we must stop seeing it simply in a negative light - something we do only to purify ourselves. Monthly confession, even if we are only aware of minor or venial sins, can be a great source of graces and can help us focus our efforts on neglected areas of our spiritual life.

And if we are trying to overcome the fear of confession or to struggle with a particular sin (mortal or venial), going to confession weekly for a while can be of great help. In fact, during the penitential seasons of Lent and Advent of the Church, when parishes often offer extra time for confession, weekly confession can be of great help in our spiritual preparation for Easter and Christmas.

2. Take your time
Too often I approached the Sacrament of Confession with all the preparation I could have done if I had ordered fast food from a drive-through. In fact, since I'm confused and frustrated with the menus in most fast food restaurants, I usually make sure I know well in advance what I want to order.

But the confession? I shudder to think of the number of times I rushed to the church a few minutes before the time of Confession ended, said a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit to help me remember all my sins, and then I plunged into the confessional even before to understand how long it had been since my last confession.

This is a recipe for leaving the confessional and then remembering a forgotten sin, or even forgetting what penance the priest prescribed, because you were too focused on completing the Confession and not on what you were actually doing.

If you want to make a better confession, take the time to get it right. Start your preparation at home (we'll talk about it below) and then arrive early enough so you won't be rushed. Spend some time in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament before turning your thoughts to what you will say in Confession.

Take your time even once you enter the confessional. No need to hurry; when you are waiting in line for confession, it may seem that the people in front of you are taking a long time, but usually they are not, and neither are you. If you try to hurry, you are more likely to forget the things you meant to say, and therefore you are more likely to be unhappy later when you remember them.

When your confession is over, don't be in a hurry to leave the church. If the priest gave you prayers for your penance, say it there, in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. If he asked you to think about your actions or to meditate on a particular passage of scripture, do it like that. Not only are you more likely to complete your penance, an important step in receiving the sacrament, but you are also more likely to see the connection between the contrition you expressed in the confessional, the absolution provided by the priest, and the penance you have performed. .

3. Take a thorough examination of conscience
As I said above, your preparation for Confession should begin at home. You will need to remember (at least roughly) when it was your last Confession, as well as the sins you have committed since then.

For most of us, remembering sins probably looks a lot like this: "Okay, what did I confess the last time and how many times have I done these things since my last confession?"

There is nothing wrong with that, as far as it goes. Indeed, it is an excellent starting point. But if we want to fully embrace the Sacrament of Confession, then we must get out of old habits and look at our lives in a critical light. And this is where a thorough examination of consciousness comes into play.

The venerable catechism of Baltimore, in its lesson on the Sacrament of Penance, provides a good and brief guide for an examination of conscience. Thinking about each of the following, think about ways you have done what you shouldn't have done or haven't done what you should be doing:

Ten Commandments
The precepts of the church
The seven deadly sins
The duties of your state in life

The first three are self-explanatory; the last one requires thinking about those aspects of your life that distinguish you from all the others. For example, in my case, I have some duties that result from being a son, a husband, a father, a magazine editor and a writer of Catholic affairs. How well have I done these tasks? Are there things I should have done for my parents, wife or children that I haven't done? Are there things I shouldn't have done to them that I've done? Have I been diligent in my work and honest in my dealings with my superiors and subordinates? Have I treated those I came into contact with with dignity and charity because of my state of life?

A thorough examination of conscience can uncover sinful habits that have become so entrenched that we hardly ever notice or think about them. Maybe we put undue burdens on our spouse or children or spend coffee breaks or lunchtime chatting with our colleagues about our boss. Maybe we don't call our parents as often as we should, or encourage our children to pray. These things arise from our particular state in life and, although they are common to many people, the only way we can become aware of them in our life is to spend some time thinking about our particular circumstances.

4. Don't hold back
All the reasons I mentioned why we avoid going to confession come from a kind of fear. While going more frequently can help us overcome some of those fears, other fears can lift their ugly head while we are in the confessional.

The worst, because it can lead us to make an incomplete confession, is the fear of what the priest might think when we confess our sins. This, however, is probably the most irrational fear we could have because, unless the priest who listens to our confession is brand new, there is a good chance that any sin we could mention is one who has heard many, many times before. And although he didn't hear it in a confessional, he was prepared through his seminary training to handle pretty much anything you could throw at him.

Go ahead; try to shock him. Not gonna happen. And this is a good thing because for your Confession to be complete and your absolution to be valid, you must confess all mortal sins by type (what did you do) and number (how often did you do it). You should also do this with venial sins, but if you forget a venial sin or three, you will still be acquitted of them at the end of Confession.

But if you hold back to confess a serious sin, you are only hurting yourself. God knows what you've done and the priest wants nothing more than to cure the breach between you and God.

5. Go to your own priest
I know; I know: always go to the next parish and choose the visiting priest if there is one available. For many of us, there is nothing more terrifying than the thought of going to Confession with our own priest. Of course, we always make a private confession rather than face to face; but if we can recognize dad's voice, he must be able to recognize ours too, right?

I won't fool you; unless you belong to a very large parish and rarely interact with your pastor, he probably does. But remember what I wrote above: nothing you can say will upset him. And even though this shouldn't be your problem, it won't think badly of you because of everything you say in Confession.

Think about it: instead of staying away from the sacrament, you came to him and confessed your sins. You asked for God's forgiveness and your pastor, who acts in the person of Christ, absolved you of those sins. But now are you worried that you're going to deny what God has given you? If so, your priest would have bigger problems than you.

Instead of avoiding your priest, use Confession with him to your spiritual advantage. If you are embarrassed to confess some sins to him, you will have added an incentive to avoid those sins. While in the end we want to get to the point where we avoid sin because we love God, embarrassment for sin can be the beginning of true contrition and a firm determination to change your life, while anonymous confession in the next parish, despite being valid and effective, it can make it easier to fall into the same sin.

6. Ask for advice
If part of the reason you think Confession is frustrating or unsatisfactory is that you find yourself confessing the same sins over and over again, don't hesitate to seek advice from your confessor. Sometimes, he will offer it without asking you, especially if the sins you have confessed are often habitual.

But if he doesn't, there is nothing wrong with saying, "Father, I fought with [your particular sin]. What can I do to avoid it? "

And when he answers, listen carefully and don't discard his advice. You might think, for example, that your prayer life is going well, so if your confessor suggests that you spend more time in prayer, you may be inclined to consider his advice just as meaningful but useless.

Don't think that way. Whatever he suggests, do it. The very act of trying to follow the advice of your confessor can be a collaboration with grace. You may be surprised at the results.

7. Change your life
The two most popular forms of the Contract Act end with these lines:

I firmly decide, with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance and to change my life.
E:

I firmly decide, with the help of Your grace, not to sin anymore and to avoid the next occasion of sin.
Reciting the act of contrition is the last thing we do in the confessional before receiving absolution from the priest. Yet those last words too often vanish from our minds as soon as we step back through the confessional door.

But an essential part of confession is sincere contrition, and this includes not only sorrow for the sins we have committed in the past, but also the decision to do everything possible to avoid committing these and other sins in the future. When we treat the sacrament of confession as a simple medicine - healing the damage we have done - and not as a source of grace and strength to keep us on the right path, we are more likely to find ourselves in the confessional, reciting once again those same sins.

A better confession does not end when we leave the confessional; in a sense, a new phase of Confession begins. Being aware of the grace we have received in the sacrament and doing our best to cooperate with that grace by avoiding not only the sins that we have confessed, but all the sins, and indeed also the occasions of sin, is the best way to make sure that I have made a good confession.

Final thoughts
While all of these passages can help you make a better confession, you shouldn't let any of them become an excuse for not taking advantage of the sacrament. If you know you have to go to Confession but you don't have time to prepare yourself as you should or to do a thorough examination of conscience, or if your priest is not available and you have to go to the next Parish, don't wait. Reach confession and decide to make a better confession next time.

While the Sacrament of Confession, well understood, does not just heal the damage of the past, sometimes we have to stop the wound before we can go on. Never let your desire to make a better Confession prevent you from creating what you need to do today.