The happiness of being with Jesus. From the devotions of Santa Gemma
Friday, August 17th
The happiness of being with Jesus! In removing the crown of thorns, Jesus blesses her by pouring abundant divine graces over her. The angel recommends obedience to her and gives her some warnings for the confessor. Repugnance in writing.
As soon as Jesus arrived on my tongue (the cause of many sins many times), he made me feel. I was no longer in myself, but within me Jesus fell into my bosom (I say into my bosom, because I no longer have the heart: I gave it to the Mother of Jesus). What happy moments are spent with Jesus! How to reciprocate his affections? With what words do you express your love, with this poor creature? But he also deigned to come. It is really impossible, yes, it is impossible not to love Jesus. How many times does he ask me if I love him and really love him. And do you still doubt it, my Jesus? Then he joins me more and more, speaks to me, tells me that he wants me perfect, that he loves me very much and that he reciprocates him.
My God, how can I make myself worthy of so many graces? Where I do not arrive, my dear guardian angel will make up for me. God forbid I ever have to deceive myself, and not even deceive others.
I spent the rest of the day united with Jesus; I suffer a little, but none of my suffering is aware of it; only occasionally do I complain; but, my God, it's just involuntary.
Today then little, indeed nothing took me to be collected: my mind was already with Jesus, and I immediately went with the spirit. How affectionate did Jesus show me today! But how much he suffers! I do so much to decrease it, and I would like to do it, if I were allowed to. He approached me today, he lifted the crown from my head, and then I did not see how he always put it on his head; he held it in his hands, all the wounds had opened, but they didn't throw blood like always, they were beautiful. He used to bless me before leaving me; in fact he raised his right hand; from that hand then I saw a light come out much stronger than the light. It kept that hand raised; I stood looking at him, I could not be satisfied with contemplating him. Or if I could make it known, see to everyone how beautiful my Jesus is! He blessed me with that same hand, which he had raised, and left me.
After what had happened to me, I would have gladly known what that light that came out of the wounds, in particular from the right hand, with which he blessed me, meant. The guardian angel said these words to me: "My daughter, on this day the blessing of Jesus poured an abundance of graces upon you."
Now as I write, he has come closer and said to me: «Please, my daughter, always obey, and in everything. He reveals everything to the confessor; tell him not to neglect you, but to hide you ». And then he added: "Tell him that Jesus wants me to have much more concern for you, if he gives more thought: otherwise you are too inexperienced".
He repeated these things to me even now that I have already written; he told me several times, I woke up, and it seemed to me to see him and hear him speak. Jesus, may your most holy will always be done.
But how much I suffer in having to write certain things! The repugnance I felt at the beginning, rather than diminish myself, much more goes on growing, and I feel a pain to die for. How many times today have I tried to look for them and burn them all [my writings]! And then? Perhaps you, O my God, would like me to write also those occult things, which you make me known for your goodness, to keep me low and humiliate me more and more? If you want it, or Jesus, I am ready to do that too: make your will known. But what good will these writings be for? For your greater glory, O Jesus, or to make me fall into sins ever more? You who wanted me to do this, I did it. You think about it; in the wound of your holy side, O Jesus, I hide my every word.
Saturday 18th - Sunday 19th August
Mother Maria Teresa, accompanied by Jesus and her guardian angel, comes to thank Gemma and flies to heaven.
In Holy Communion this morning, Jesus made me know that tonight at midnight Mother Maria Teresa will fly to heaven. Nothing else for now.
Jesus had promised to give me a sign. I arrived at midnight: still nothing; here I am with the touch: not even; towards the touch and a half it seemed to me that Our Lady was coming to give me notice, that the hour was approaching.
After a while, in fact, I seemed to see Mother Teresa dressed before me dressed as Passionist, accompanied by her guardian angel and Jesus. How much had changed since the day I saw her for the first time. Laughing he approached me, and said that he was truly happy and went to enjoy his Jesus eternally; again he thanked me, and added: "Tell Mother Giuseppa that I am happy and go quiet." He motioned me several times with his hand to say goodbye, and together with Jesus and his guardian angel he flew to heaven about half past two.
On that night I suffered a lot, because I also wanted to go to heaven, but nobody made an act of bringing me there.
The desire that Jesus had for a long time been born in me was finally satisfied: Mother Teresa is in paradise; but also from heaven he promised to come back to see me.