Steps for an Islamic divorce
Divorce is allowed in Islam as a last resort if a marriage cannot be continued. Some measures need to be taken to ensure that all options have been exhausted and that both sides are treated with respect and justice.
In Islam, it is believed that married life should be full of mercy, compassion and tranquility. Marriage is a great blessing. Every partner in marriage has certain rights and responsibilities, which must be lovingly respected in the best interest of the family.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
Evaluate and try to reconcile
When a marriage is in danger, couples are advised to pursue all possible remedies to rebuild the relationship. Divorce is allowed as a last resort, but is discouraged. The prophet Muhammad once said: "Of all licit things, divorce is the most hated by Allah."
For this reason, the first step that a couple should take is to really try in their hearts, evaluate the relationship and try to reconcile. All marriages have ups and downs and this decision should not be made easily. Ask yourself "Did I really try everything else?" Evaluate your needs and weaknesses; think through consequences. Try to remember the good things of your spouse and find the patience of forgiveness in your heart for small annoyances. Communicate with your spouse about your feelings, fears and needs. During this step, the assistance of a neutral Islamic adviser may be helpful for some people.
If, after carefully evaluating your marriage, you find that there is no other option than divorce, there is no shame in proceeding to the next step. Allah gives divorce as an option because sometimes it is truly the best interest of all concerned. Nobody needs to remain in a situation that causes personal anguish, pain and suffering. In such cases, it is more merciful for each of you to follow your own separate paths, peacefully and amicably.
Recognize, however, that Islam outlines some steps that must take place before, during and after divorce. The needs of both parties are taken into account. All children in the wedding are given top priority. Guidelines are provided for both personal behavior and legal processes. Following these guidelines can be difficult, especially if one or both spouses feel offended or angry. Try to be mature and fair. Remember Allah's words in the Qur'an: "The parts should either hold together in fair terms or separate with kindness." (Sura al-Baqarah, 2: 229)
Arbitration
The Quran says: “And if you fear a violation between the two, appoint an arbitrator from his relatives and an arbitrator from his relatives. If both want reconciliation, Allah will bring about harmony between them. Indeed, Allah has full knowledge and is aware of everything. " (Sura An-Nisa 4:35)
A marriage and possible divorce involve more people than just the two spouses. It affects children, parents and entire families. Therefore, before making a decision on divorce, it is right to involve the elders of the family in an attempt to reconcile. Family members know each part personally, including their strengths and weaknesses, and hopefully have their best interests at heart. If they face the task sincerely, they can be successful in helping the couple solve their problems.
Some couples are reluctant to involve family members in their difficulties. However, it should be remembered that divorce would also affect them - in their relationships with grandchildren, grandchildren, grandchildren, etc. And in the responsibilities they should face in helping each spouse develop an independent life. So the family will be involved in one way or another. For the most part, family members would prefer the opportunity to help while still possible.
Some couples seek an alternative, involving an independent marriage counselor as a referee. While a counselor can play an important role in reconciliation, this person is naturally detached and lacks personal involvement. Family members have a personal interest in the outcome and may be more committed to finding a solution.
If this attempt fails after all due efforts, then it is recognized that divorce may be the only option. The couple proceeds to pronounce the divorce. The actual filing procedures for divorce depend on whether the move was initiated by the husband or wife.
Divorce filing
When a divorce is initiated by the husband, it is known as talaq. The husband's declaration can be verbal or written and must be made only once. Since the husband is trying to break the marriage contract, the wife has the full right to keep the dowry (mahr) paid to her.
If the wife starts a divorce, there are two options. In the first case, the wife can choose to return her dowry to end the marriage. Gives up the right to keep the dowry because it is she who tries to break the marriage contract. This is known as khul'a. On this topic, the Qur'an says: “It is not lawful for you (men) to take back your gifts, except when both sides fear that they would not be able to keep the limits ordered by Allah. There is no blame on either of them for giving anything for their freedom. These are the limits ordered by Allah, so do not transgress them "(Quran 2: 229).
In the second case, the wife can choose to petition a divorce judge, with just cause. She is asked to prove that her husband has not fulfilled his responsibilities. In this situation, it would be unfair to expect her to return the dowry too. The judge makes a decision based on the facts of the case and the country's law.
Depending on where you live, a separate legal divorce process may be required. This usually involves filing a petition with a local court, observing a waiting period, attending hearings, and obtaining a legal decree on divorce. This legal procedure may be sufficient for an Islamic divorce if it also meets Islamic requirements.
In any Islamic divorce procedure, there is a three month waiting period before the divorce is finalized.
Waiting period (Iddat)
After a divorce declaration, Islam requires a three-month waiting period (called iddah) before the divorce is finalized.
During this time, the couple continues to live under one roof but sleeps apart. This gives the couple time to calm down, evaluate the relationship and perhaps reconcile. Sometimes decisions are made in haste and anger, and later one or both sides may have regrets. During the waiting period, husband and wife are free to resume their relationship at any time, ending the divorce process without the need for a new marriage contract.
Another reason for the waiting period is a way of determining if the wife is expecting a child. If the wife is pregnant, the waiting period continues until after she has delivered the baby. During the entire waiting period, the wife has the right to remain in the family home and the husband is responsible for his support.
If the waiting period is completed without reconciliation, the divorce is complete and fully effective. The husband's financial responsibility for the wife ends and often returns to his family home. However, the husband continues to be responsible for the financial needs of all children through regular child support payments.
Custody of children
In the event of a divorce, children often carry the most painful consequences. Islamic law takes their needs into account and makes sure they are cared for.
Financial support for all children, both during the marriage and after the divorce, belongs exclusively to the father. This is the right of children over their father, and courts have the power to impose child support payments if necessary. The amount is open for negotiation and should be proportionate to the husband's financial means.
The Quran advises husband and wife to consult equally about the future of their children after divorce (2: 233). This verse specifically claims that infants who are still breastfeeding can continue breastfeeding until both parents agree on the weaning period through "mutual consent and advice". This spirit should define any kinship relationship.
Islamic law states that physical custody of children must apply to a Muslim who is in good physical and mental health and is best placed to meet the needs of children. Several jurists have expressed various opinions on how this could best be done. Some have determined that custody is assigned to the mother if the child is of a certain age and to the father if the child is older. Others would allow older children to express a preference. In general, it is recognized that children and girls are best cared for by the mother.
Since differences of opinion exist among Islamic scholars on child custody, variations in local legislation could be found. In all cases, however, the main concern is that children are cared for by a suitable parent who can satisfy their emotional and physical needs.
Divorce finalized
At the end of the waiting period, the divorce is finalized. It is better for the couple to formalize the divorce in the presence of the two witnesses, checking that the parties have fulfilled all their obligations. At this time, the wife is free to remarry if she wishes.
Islam discourages Muslims from going back and forth about their decisions, engaging in emotional blackmail or leaving the other spouse in limbo. The Koran says: “When you divorce women and meet the term of their iddat, either take them back on fair terms or release them on fair terms; but don't take them back to hurt them, (or) to take unfair advantage of them If someone does, their own soul is wrong ... "(Quran 2: 231) Therefore, the Quran encourages a divorced couple to treat each other amicably and to break ties in a way neat and balance.
If a couple decides to reconcile, once the divorce is finalized, they must start again with a new contract and a new dowry (mahr). To avoid damaging yo-yo relationships, there is a limit to how many times the same couple can marry and divorce. If a couple decides to remarry after the divorce, this can only be done twice. The Qur'an says: "Divorce must be given twice, and therefore (a woman) must be held in a good way or released with grace." (Quran 2: 229)
After divorcing and remarrying twice, if the couple decides to divorce again, it is clear that there is a big problem in the relationship! Therefore in Islam, after the third divorce, the couple may not remarry again. First, the woman must seek fulfillment in marriage to another man. Only after divorce or widow from this second marriage partner would it be possible for her to reconcile with her first husband if they chose him.
This may seem like a strange rule, but it has two main purposes. First of all, the first husband is less likely to start a third divorce in a frivolous way, knowing that the decision is irrevocable. One will act with more careful consideration. Second, it may be that the two individuals were not simply a good mutual correspondence. The wife can find happiness in a different marriage. Or after realizing the marriage with someone else, she may realize that after all she wants to reconcile with her first husband.