A PHOTOMODEL: In Medjugorje, thrown from a horse ... she saw her LORD

Da Paolo Tessione - August 20, 2019

22 years old: a very sweet face, now all smile, hides a very sad story. From the crude description that she gives me of her "demonic life" she wants to highlight the greatness of the mercy that God has used, as an example for all of her patient expectation towards sinners (1 Tim 1).

“He will briefly tell you how God overthrew me on horseback on the road to Damascus and led me to change my life. I was never a pure girl, always experiences of sin. Educated hard by my father, little more than sixteen, out of spite, I gave myself to his partner. Then at age 17 an abortion. At 18 I left the house to work in Milan in fashion. And there, being a beautiful girl, I entered the circle of rich people, knew certain environments and, increasingly ambitious to become someone on TV and newspapers, I began to live among the richest in Italy. But the scarcity of work, due to competition, and the need for money made me ask my father for money. Only answer: "If you want to be well you have to come back with me!".

I said: No! In me, a twisted mentality was growing, full only of malice. The need for money made me dream of meeting a billionaire - many girls had - to be his lover and satisfy all my desires to be independent of his father: this would have been - my happiness.

A friend helped me get into a billionaire round at European level. I started to prostitute myself with a person, first sweet and then determined to exploit me, even if not on the street. I started by saying: when - I have made some money, it will stop. But the more I earned, the more I spent and the more I needed to be with high-level people. I was admired, they brought me here and there, but more and more unhappy because sensitive, I would have liked affection: instead only a black, black environment, and I threw myself into cocaine and alcohol up to 19 years ..

I spent the nights with very rich men, more and more brought to prostitution, I woke up at 1 or 2 in the afternoon, destroyed. Filled with sleeping pills, I kept drinking, finding no love, just cruelty around me. So I destroyed everything that was human in me and also every girl who came with me.

So up to 19 and a half years the thousand life was only sadness. It was then that I met a billionaire man, with whom I was up to 2 months ago. As a result, I stopped prostituting myself, but I still spent nights with very rich men around the world. Despite that man, I still frequented two or three of them, who reciprocated me with gifts, jewelry, clothes. And every time that happened to me, a complete destruction took place, both psychological and physical, to the point that I had to put on a mask and, identified with that part, I was able to overcome myself, drinking a lot.

In the last year I have still had 4 true .., loves, but one after the other they are finished, and I collapsed sad, disappointed suffering to attempt suicide several times. I thought: God bittered me by getting me out of prostitution. Now I was looking for a benevolent bill to change my man, who was a little crazy; but I didn't stop resorting to fortune tellers, card games, etc., to know what life reserved for me, because after all I still dreamed of meeting a pure man to get married and have 5 or 6 children and live in the countryside. I had a girl close to me who, despite being in my own shoes, used infinite goodness towards me, but I treated her badly, I was a beast.

All in all for 3 years my life has been demonic.

My self no longer existed. I loved sex, money and lived in the midst of orgies and drugs. I had everything, and more than anything a girl can dream of. My every wish was satisfied, yet my life was empty and dead. I seemed the luckiest, instead I was the most desperate. In the eyes of others I was brilliant and successful: in reality everything was fiction. I was off and unhappy. Thus the world destroys its worshipers.

21 years. For a year now I have begun to hear the call of Medjugorje: there was a Mother there who called me. Decisive was a TV documentary seen 6 months ago, which impressed me deeply. I said to myself: when will the day come for me too? On a book bought at the newsstand at the station I found 3 or 4 prayers from Medjugorje, and I felt a greater need than I to say them, even if I returned at 2 or 3 in the morning. Then 4 months ago I quarreled with my man, then with another, then with my best friend: I sent them all to that country. It was someone who gradually detached me from the past: I felt that something inside me was changing.

In May I happened to speak on the phone with an almost mad stepsister, for whom I had prayed to Saint Rita and who, after going to Medjugorje, was then completely healed. She insisted: go to Medjugorje, but within me a voice repeated: it is not yet your time. I had convinced a loved one in my own shoes to go to Medjugorje: first she had laughed at me, but then, gone, she had come back that she looked like an angel: she prayed, cried, loved God and broke away from all fun. I felt that my moment was also coming. I also fasted once a week. But how many obstacles to the last I find no place on the plane, I am taken by doubts about the after: how can I get away from my habits? The night before I left I went out with friends and I did, I think, the last serious sins. Finally I leave and in Split I meet a group of wonderful young people. Arrival in Medjugorje at night. I stay there 3 days without eating, without sleeping, because nothing interests me anymore about these things.

The morning of July 25th.
I do not remember when exactly, I begin to enter an ecstasy of mind and heart: I was close to God. In these 20 minutes God gave me the grace to feel his love (he is moved by remembering it) and he made me see and feel his way. I never felt what I felt then, but it was enough for me to close with my previous life and become truly poor. I gave everything away: gold and money and I was left with nothing. Dress well, wear makeup, be beautiful, fun, friends, the world in a word that I thought was beautiful: everything suddenly came out of my life. It no longer existed.

In these 20 minutes I felt that my life had to be only in Christ for God with Our Lady. She brought me into the hands of Fr. Jozo, who confessed me and made me feel in her sweetness that it was Jesus who forgave me. After a week I went back to Medjugorje to spend some time there. I am not saying the graces I received in those days, above all the great love for prayer, which became the real encounter with Jesus and his Mother, and the desire for a total consecration was slowly born in me.

Returning to Milan, it is Jesus who now guides me wherever he wants, in community and in prayer groups. I often feel Jesus and his love until I feel sick. Without prayer I could not live even an hour anymore. My love for Jesus grows day by day. I do not think about the future, but I ask continually to abandon myself to him. The devil does not stop tempting me in a very strong way: not to make me go back to my former life, but wanting, with small things, which are great, however, to get away from my vocation. Sometimes I spend two or three hours of doubts and anxieties: getting married and having children? But after having made some prayers I feel such a great love and I tell myself that "nothing, neither children nor husband could give me the same love".

X., September 24, 1987

Source: Echo of Medjugorje nr. 45