A guide to what the Bible really says about divorce

Divorce is the death of a marriage and produces both loss and pain. The Bible uses strong language when it comes to divorce; Malachi 2:16 says:

"" The man who hates and divorces his wife, "says the Lord God of Israel," does violence to the one who should protect, "says the Almighty Lord. So be on your guard and don't be unfaithful. "(NIV)
“'For the man who does not love his wife but divorces him, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment of violence, says the Lord of hosts. So protect yourself in your spirit and don't be without faith. "" (ESV)
“'If he hates and divorces [his wife],' says the Lord God of Israel, 'he covers his dress with injustice,' says the Lord of hosts. Therefore, watch carefully and do not behave treacherously. "(CSB)
"'Because I hate divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "and he who covers the dress with errors," says the Lord of hosts. 'So pay attention to your spirit, which is not faced with treason.' "(NASB)
"For the LORD, the God of Israel, says he hates to put away: because one covers violence with his garment, says the LORD of hosts: therefore pay attention to your spirit, lest you behave treacherously" . (KJV)
We probably know the NASB translation better and have heard the phrase "God hates divorce". Strong language is used in Malachi to demonstrate that the marriage covenant should not be taken lightly. The study of biblical theology of NIV comments on the Bible with the phrase "The man who hates"

"The clause is difficult and can be understood in reference to God as the one who hates divorce (for example," I hate divorce "in other translations such as NRSV or NASB), or in reference to the man who hates and divorces his wife . Regardless, God hates a broken covenant (cf. 1: 3; Hos 9:15). "

The notes continue and emphasize that divorce is a type of social crime in that it breaks the marital alliance and takes away protection from the woman who has been legally granted in marriage. Divorce not only puts a divorced person in a difficult position, but also causes a lot of suffering for everyone involved, including children in the family.

The ESV study Bible agrees that this is one of the most difficult Old Testament passages to translate. For this reason the ESV has a footnote for verse 16 that says “1 Hebrew who hates and divorces 2 Probably means (compare Septuaginta and Deuteronomy 24: 1-4); or "The LORD, the God of Israel, says he hates divorce and he who covers it." “This translation that God hates divorce focuses the passage on the hatred of God for the practice of divorce against the hatred of the man who is divorcing. Whatever the way in which the verse is translated (the hatred of God towards the practice or the hatred of the man who commits a divorce), God opposes this type of divorce (faithless husbands who send away their wives ) in Mal. 2: 13-15. And Malachi is clear that marriage is truly an alliance derived from the story of creation. Marriage implies an oath made before God, therefore, when it is broken, it is broken before God. The Bible has more to say about divorce below.

Where does the Bible speak of divorce?
The Old Testament:
In addition to Malachi, here are two other passages.

Exodus 21: 10-11,
“If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first of his food, his clothes and his marital rights. If he does not provide these three things, he must free himself, without any payment in cash. "

Deuteronomy 24: 1-5,
"If a man marries a woman who becomes sorry with him because he finds something indecent about her, and writes her a divorce certificate, he gives her and sends her from his home, and if after leaving his home he becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband does not like her and writes her a divorce certificate, gives it to him and sends it to her home, or if she dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her new after it has been contaminated. It would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin to the earth which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance. If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have other duties. For a year he will be free to stay home and bring happiness to his wife. "

The New Testament:
from Jesus

Matthew 5: 31-32,
“'It has been said:' Anyone divorcing his wife must give her a divorce certificate. 'But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except sexual immorality, makes her a victim of adultery and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. ""

Opaque. 19: 1-12,
“When Jesus finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went to the Judea region on the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him and healed them there. Some Pharisees went to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?" "You have not read," he replied, "that at first the Creator" made them male and female ", and said:" For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and join his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has united, do not separate anyone. ' "Why then," they asked, "did Moses order a man to give his wife a divorce certificate and send her away?" Jesus replied: 'Moses allowed you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it wasn't like that from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except sexual immorality and marries another woman commits adultery. "The disciples said to him," If this is the situation between husband and wife, it is better not to get married. " Jesus replied: 'Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. Because there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by others - and there are those who choose to live as eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Those who can accept it should accept it. "" 'Jesus replied:' Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. Because there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by others - and there are those who choose to live as eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Those who can accept it should accept it. "" 'Jesus replied:' Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. Because there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by others - and there are those who choose to live as eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Those who can accept it should accept it. ""

Mark 10: 1-12,
“Then Jesus left that place and entered the Judea region and crossed the Jordan. Once again crowds of people came to him and, as was his custom, he taught them. Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" "What did Moses command you?" He answered. They said, "Moses allowed a man to write a divorce certificate and send it away." 'It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,' replied Jesus. "But at the beginning of creation God" made them male and female. "" For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and join his wife, and the two will become one flesh. " So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has united, do not separate anyone. ' When they were back in the house, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He replied, 'Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. "

Luke 16:18,
"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

From Paul

1 Corinthians 7: 10-11,
“To spouses I give this command (not me, but the Lord): a wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain celibate or reconcile with her husband. And a husband doesn't have to divorce his wife. "

1 Cor. 7:39,
“A woman is tied to her husband while he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but must belong to the Lord. "

What the Bible Really Says About Divorce

[David] Instone-Brewer [author of the divorce and new marriage in the Church] claims that Jesus not only defended the true meaning of Deuteronomy 24: 1, but also accepted what the rest of the Old Testament had taught about divorce. Exodus taught that everyone had three rights within marriage: the rights to food, clothes and love. (We also see them in Christian marriage vows to "love, honor and keep"). Paul taught the same thing: married couples owe each other love (1 Cor. 7: 3-5) and material support (1 Cor. 7: 33-34). If these rights were overlooked, the wronged spouse had the right to file for divorce. Abuse, an extreme form of abandonment, was also cause for divorce. It was debated whether abandonment was a cause for divorce or not, so Paul addressed the problem. He wrote that believers cannot abandon their partners and, if they have, they should return (1 Cor. 7: 10-11). If someone is abandoned by an unbeliever or a spouse who will not obey the command to return, then the abandoned person "is no longer bound".

The Old Testament allows and affirms the New Testament the following reasons for divorce:

Adultery (in Deuteronomy 24: 1, affirmed by Jesus in Matthew 19)
Emotional and physical neglect (in Exodus 21: 10-11, stated by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7)
Abandonment and abuse (included in negligence, as stated in 1 Corinthians 7)
Of course, having divorce grounds does not mean that you should get divorced. God hates divorce, and for good reason. It can be devastating for everyone involved and the negative effects can last for years. Divorce should always be a last resort. But God allows divorce (and subsequent remarry) in some cases where marriage vows are broken.
-What the Bible says about divorce »from the section What the Bible says about divorce: a guide for men by Chris Bolinger on Crosswalk.com.

3 truths that every Christian must know about divorce

1. God hates divorce
Oh, I know you shiver when you feel it! It is thrown in your face as if divorce were an unforgivable sin. But let's be honest: God hates divorce ... and you too ... and me too. As I began to delve deeper into Malachi 2:16, I found the context interesting. You see, the context is of the unfaithful spouse, the one who deeply hurts the spouse. It's about being cruel to your spouse, what we should love and protect more than anyone else. God hates actions that often lead to divorce as we know it. Since we're throwing things around that God hates, let's take a look at another passage:

There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable for him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises evil patterns, feet that quickly rush into evil, a false witness that sprouts lies and a person who causes conflict in the community (Proverbs 6: 16-19).

Ouch! What stings! I'd just like to say that whoever is throwing you at Malachi 2:16 must stop and take a look at Proverbs 6. We, as Christians, must remember that there is no one righteous, not even one (Romans 3:10). We must remember that Christ died for our pride and our lies as much as he died for our divorces. And it is often the sins of Proverbs 6 that lead to divorce. Ever since I went through my divorce, I have come to the conclusion that God hates divorce because of the immense pain and suffering it causes his children. It is much less for sin and much more for his father's heart for us.

2. To remarry… or not?
I'm sure you've heard the arguments that you can't remarry if you don't want to live in adultery and risk your eternal soul. Personally, I have a real problem with this. Let's start with the interpretation of the scriptures. I am neither a Greek nor a Jewish scholar. There are enough of those that I can turn to them to earn from their years of education and experience. However, none of us were around to have full knowledge of what God meant when he gave writers inspired by the Holy Ghost. There are scholars who say that new marriage is never an option. There are scholars who say that new marriage is only an option in the case of adultery. And there are scholars who say that the rest is always allowed because of the grace of God.

In any case, any interpretation is exactly this: a human interpretation. Only writing itself is a divinely inspired Word of God. We must be very careful in taking a human interpretation and forcing it on others, in order not to become like the Pharisees. In the end, your decision to remarry is between you and God. It is a decision that should be made in prayer and in consultation with trusted Bible counselors. And it's a decision that should only be made when you (and your future spouse) have spent a lot of time healing from your past wounds and becoming as Christlike as possible.

Here is a brief thought for you: the lineage of Christ recorded in Matthew 1 lists a prostitute (Rahab, who eventually married Salmon), an adulterous couple (David, who married Bathsheba after killing her husband), and a widow (who married relative-redeemer, Boaz). I find it very interesting that there are three women who remarried in the direct lineage of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Can we say grace?

3. God is the Redeemer of all things
Through the scriptures, we are given so many promises that show us that there is always hope! Romans 8:28 tells us that all things work together for the good of those who love God. Zechariah 9:12 tells us that God will repay two blessings for each of our problems. In John 11, Jesus proclaims that he is the resurrection and the life; it will take you from the death of the divorce and give you new life. And 1 Peter 5:10 says that suffering will not last forever but one day it will put you back on your feet.

When this journey started for me about six years ago, I wasn't sure if I believed those promises. God had disappointed me, or so I thought. I had dedicated his life to him and the "blessing" I received was a husband who had not regretted his adultery. I was done with God. But he was not done with me. He chased me incessantly and called me to get my safety from him. He kindly reminded me that he was with me every day of my life and that he would not leave me now. He reminded me that he has big plans for me. I was a broken and rejected disaster. But God reminded me that he loves me, that I am his chosen child, his precious possession. He told me that I am the mouth of his eyes (Psalm 17: 8). He reminded me that I am his masterpiece, created to do good works (Ephesians 2:10). I was called once and can never be disqualified because his call is irrevocable (Romans 11:29).
-'3 Truth Every Christian Should Know About Divorce ”extracted from 3 beautiful truths that every divorced Christian must know about Dena Johnson on Crosswalk.com.

What should you do when your spouse wants?

Be patient La
patience buys time. No matter how difficult it is, take life one day at a time. Make decisions one by one. Overcome obstacles separately. Start with issues you can do something about. Patiently find out how to deal with situations or problems that seem overwhelming. Take some time to seek wise advice.
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Ask a third party
trusty Do you know someone that your departing spouse holds in high regard? If so, ask that person to intervene in your wedding. It can be a shepherd, a friend, a parent, or even one or more of your children (if mature). Ask the person or people to spend time with your partner, to listen to her and to do everything possible to influence her to accept marriage counseling or our intense weekend seminar. Our experience is that often a spouse who absolutely refuses counseling or a seminar when requested by a spouse agrees, if reluctantly, when solicited by a third party they are deeply concerned about.
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Provide an advantage
If you want to try marriage counseling or attend an intensive seminar like our 911 Marriage Assistant, you may be able to convince your reluctant spouse to participate by offering something if they do. Many times in our lab, for example, people have told me that the only reason they came was that the spouse offered a pending divorce deal in exchange for their coming. Almost universally, I hear it from a person who during the seminar concluded that he wanted to stay in his marriage. “I didn't want to be here. He said that if I came, he would accept _____ when we divorced. I am glad I came. I see how we can solve it. "
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Prove you have changed
Rather than focusing only on your spouse's faults, admit your weaknesses. When you start working to improve yourself in those areas, it benefits you. You also take steps to save your marriage.
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Persevere
It takes strength to save a marriage when the spouse wants to leave. Be strong. Find a support system for people who will encourage you and who will be optimistic about the possibility of reconciliation. Focus on taking care of yourself. Exercise. Eat as you should. Start a new hobby to keep your mind from being obsessed with your problems. Get involved in your church. Get individual advice. Whether your marriage does it or not, you have to provide yourself spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. In fact, as you do so, you also do the things that are most likely to cause your spouse to realize what he will lose if the marriage ends.
-'What should you do when your spouse wants ”extracted from What to do when your spouse wants Joe Beam on Crosswalk.com.

7 thoughts if you are considering divorce
1. Trust the Lord, don't trust yourself. Relationships can cause pain and people struggle to think properly. God knows everything, sees everything and works all together for your good. Trust in the Lord and in what he says in his Word.

2. Realize that the answer to suffering is not always getting away from it. Sometimes God calls us to follow him by walking or remaining in suffering. (I'm not talking about being abused, but the many other life conflicts and sufferings that married people face in a fallen world.)

3. Contemplate that God is accomplishing a purpose in your sufferings.

4. Wait for the Lord. Don't act quickly. Keep the doors open. Just close the doors that you're sure God says you should close.

5. Don't just trust that God can change someone else's heart. Trust that it can change and renew your heart.

6. Meditate on the scriptures in connection with the problem of marriage, separation and divorce.

7. Whatever action you consider taking, ask if you can take that action for the glory of God.

-7 thoughts for divorce 'excerpts from 11 important thoughts for those considering Randy Alcorn's divorce on Crosswalk.com

5 positive things to do after divorce

1. Manage the conflict with peace
Jesus is an excellent example of how to deal with conflict. He remained calm knowing that God was still in control even while his enemies were attacking. He spoke to his disciples sharing that he knew they would betray him, but he left the consequences of these actions in the hands of God. You cannot control how your spouse behaves during or after the divorce, but you can control how you act and treat other people. Treat them with the respect they deserve as your child's parent, or at least as another human being, even if they act like a kind of alien from space.

2. Embrace the circumstances in which God has you
inside I am reminded of the story of Jesus and his disciples in the boat (Matthew 8: 23-27). A great storm began to rage around them while Jesus was sleeping peacefully. The disciples feared that these circumstances would ruin them and their boat. But Jesus knew who was in control. Then Jesus calmed the storm and showed the disciples the power of God over all situations. Most divorced people are very scared on the divorce journey. We don't know how we will survive. But as we embrace these unwanted circumstances, we realize that God was with us through the storm and through pain. It will never go away or drown you. During my divorce, I knew it wouldn't stop the storm immediately. In reality it hasn't stopped yet, but it's always solving things, even if I still can't see it. I just need to have faith in his promises.

3. Challenge lonely feelings with benevolence while single and healing
Feeling lonely after a divorce is a real concern for many of the women I talk to. It seems to be the biggest struggle that Christian women (and I am sure men too) face while working on healing. When divorce was not wanted in the first place, feeling lonely seems to be an additional consequence of an already growing list. But in the Bible we learn that singularity is a gift from God. It may be difficult to see it as such when you feel so much pain and loss. But it is often an invitation to seek a relationship with the One who knows how to cure pain and fill the void.

4. Claim your life and finances after divorce
Another big fight I hear from divorced people is the loss of their old life and the lifestyle they used to live. This is a huge loss that must also be a plant. It is difficult to know that you have worked so hard to help your spouse achieve a career and financial success, yet now you have to start your life from what seems like the beginning, without his help (or just temporary help). I was a stay at home mom, my two youngest children at home, when I faced divorce. I had not been working outside the home since before the birth of my 10 year old. I had only done a little bit of freelance and social media work for bloggers and I hadn't finished my university education. I'm not saying it was easy, but every year it gets more exciting as I listen to God's guidance and direction for my life.

5. Be cautious of future relationships so as not to repeat the divorce
Most of the articles I have read about the consequences of divorce speak of the high divorce rate of second and third marriages. Knowing these statistics kept me trapped in my adulterous marriage thinking that I would face another divorce in the future. I can still see where this is very relevant to the conversation, but when we work through our emotional healing and get rid of any excess baggage, we can all continue to live an emotionally healthy life (with or without another marriage). Sometimes we are prey to a person with a bad heart (who makes fun of us and traps us) but other times we choose an unhealthy companion because we don't think we deserve better. Often this is subconscious until we see the pattern of harmful relationships, realizing that we have a broken "relationship selector".

As someone on the other side of all the baggage and healing of divorce, I can say that it is worth doing the hard work before moving on to dating and remarrying after the divorce. Whether I remarried or not, I know I won't fall in love with the same tricks that worked on me 20 years ago. I learned a lot from my divorce and from healing afterwards. I hope you will do the same too.
-'5 Positive Things to Do After Divorce 'extracted from 5 positive things you can do after Jen Grice's divorce on iBelieve.com.

What parents need to know about divorce children
Children and divorces are complex subjects and there are no easy answers. However, it is imperative that parents learn that they play a vital role in minimizing the experience of traumatized children when parents separate or divorce. Here are some tips that might help:

Most children will initially suffer a form of rejection when their parents separate. They believe that "this is temporary, my parents will get back together". Even years later many children still dream of reuniting their parents, which is why they resist the new marriage of the parents.
Give the child time to grieve. Children are unable to communicate pain in the same way as adults. Therefore, they can be sad, angry, frustrated or depressed but cannot express it.
Do not lie. In an age-appropriate way and without gory details, tell the truth. The number one reason kids blame themselves for their parents' divorce is because they didn't tell the truth.
When one parent belittles, criticizes or criticizes the other parent it can emotionally destroy a child's self-esteem. "If Dad isn't a good loser, I must be a good loser too." "If mom is a wanderer, that's what I will become."
The children who do the best after the divorce are those who have a strong relationship with both biological parents. Therefore, do not hold back the visit unless the child is neglected or in danger.
Divorce is a death. With time to grieve, the right help and Jesus Christ, the children of the divorced houses can eventually return whole again. What they need is a divine and stable single parent who is willing to slow down, listen to instructions and take the necessary measures to heal.