Impilo ngemuva kwempilo? Udokotela ohlinzayo obone uZulu ngemuva kwengozi

Njengoba uMary C. Neal ebona, empeleni uye waphila izimpilo ezimbili ezihlukile: eyodwa eyenzeka ngaphambi “kwengozi” yakhe, njengoba echaza, futhi enye emva kwalokho. "Ngingasho ukuthi ngiguqulwe kakhulu kuzo zonke izici zempilo yami," kusho uNeal, udokotela ohlinza umgogodla ohlonishwayo wamathambo entshonalanga yeWyoming. “Imininingwane yempilo yami, ngaphambi nangemva kwayo, iyafana. Kepha ingqophamlando yempilo yami - engiyikho, engiyithandayo, nokungiqondayo - ihluke ngokuphelele. "

Okuyinto engejwayelekile, ikakhulukazi uma ucabanga ukuthi "ingozi" yakhe ifaka phakathi nokufa ngokujula, ukuvakasha okufushane kakhulu nokuphila kokomoya empilweni ngemuva kokufa nokuvuselela okukhulu ngemuva kwemizuzu eyi-14 ngaphansi kwamanzi, kumbuyise kukho konke futhi impilo ephelele. Kepha sekuguqukile unomphela. "Kusukela lapho ngikhulume nabanye abake baba nokuhlangenwe nakho okufana nalokhu," kusho yena ngesikhathi kuqhubeka ingxoxo ngocingo esekhaya lakhe eJackson, eWyo. "Wonke umuntu ubuyisa umuntu oguqulwe kakhulu."

Uyama kancane, bese engeza kancane: "Ngiyazi ngakwenza." Okungasho ukuthi impilo yakhe ngaphambi kwengozi yakhe yayisidinga ushintsho olukhulu. "Ngicabanga ukuthi ngijwayelekile," kusho yena ngenkathi echaza impilo ehlanganisa ubukhona bakhe ethembekile esontweni esengumntwana futhi "nokuhlangenwe nakho okungokomoya ngesikhathi esikoleni esiphakeme nasekolishi." "Bekufanele ngabe ngizibophezele ngokwengeziwe okholweni lwami lobuKristu," kusho yena, ecabanga ngeminyaka yobudala esetshenziswe kakhulu wumsebenzi wakhe wokuhlinzwa. “Bengimatasa kakhulu, futhi njengabantu abaningi ngiphile impilo yansuku zonke. Imininingwane yemithwalo yami yansuku zonke ingethe ngandlela thile izibopho zami maqondana nengokomoya lami. "

Wayeyikholwa, umuntu owayekholelwa kuNkulunkulu nasemazwini aphefumulelwe eBhayibheli. "Ngaphandle kokuzama ukuba ngumuntu olungile," kusho yena, "angicabangi ukuthi ngikholwa ikakhulukazi." Konke kuguquke ngoJanuwari 1999, lapho yena nomyeni wakhe uBill behambela eChile okwakufanele kube uhambo olumnandi futhi olujabulisayo lwe-kayak nabangane emifuleni namachibi aseningizimu yeLake Lake laseChile. Njengoba echaza okusha kwakhe incwadi, "[To Heaven and Back: the True story of a unoshamisa walk with a doctor]," wayewela umfantu ngosuku lokugcina lokuhamba ngomkhumbi eMfuleni iFuy lapho i-kayak yakhe ibambeke emadwaleni, iyilandele ngaphansi komfula Amanzi ajulile futhi agijimayo.

Naphezu kwemizamo yakhe emihle yokugqashula esikebheni, "washeshe wabona ukuthi angilawulwa ikusasa lami." Lokhu kwenzeka, uthi usefinyelele kuNkulunkulu futhi wacela ukungenelela kwakhe ngokwaphezulu. Uyabhala, "Umzuzu engaphendukela kuye, ngangihlushwa imizwa yokuzola, ukuthula kanye nomuzwa wokubanjwa izingalo zomuntu ngenkathi ngicindezelwa futhi ngiduduzeka. Kwakungathi ngicabanga ukuthi ingane kumele izizwe ikhungathekile futhi ikhubazekile ngothando esibelethweni sikanina. Ngazizwa nginokuqiniseka ngokuphelele ukuthi konke kuzohamba kahle, noma ngabe kwaba yini umphumela. "

Noma wayenomuzwa wokuthi "uNkulunkulu ubekhona futhi engibambile", ubesazi kakhulu isimo sakhe. Wayengaboni noma ezwa noma yini, kepha wayezwa ingcindezi yokucindezela nokuhudula komzimba wakhe njengamanje. "Kuzwakala kuyinto enhle kabi, kodwa ngokubona kwamathambo, ngangihlaba umxhwele njengoba ngangizwa amathambo ami edonsa futhi izicubu zami zigobhoza," kusho yena. “Ngazama ukuhlaziya imizwa futhi ngicabange ukuthi yiziphi izakhiwo ezibandakanyekile. Ngezwa sengathi anginazihlungu, kepha ngazibuza ukuthi ngabe ngakhala ngempela ngaphandle kokwazi. Eqinisweni ngenze ukuzihlola okusheshayo futhi ngathatha isinqumo sokuthi cha, angizange ngithuke. Ngazizwa ngijabule kakhulu, okuyinto exakile ngoba bengihlala ngisesaba ukuminza. ”

Njengoba umzimba wakhe ubusunqunqelwa kancane ku-kayak yakhe, uthi uzizwa "sengathi umphefumulo wami usuqala ukuzithola usuvele emzimbeni wami." "Ngizwe i-pop futhi kwaba sengathi ngigcine sengikhumule ungqimba lwami olusindayo lwangaphandle, ngikhulula umphefumulo wami," wabhala. “Ngavuka ngashiya umfula, kwathi lapho umphefumulo wami uphahlika emanzini ngahlangana neqembu lemiphefumulo eyi-15 noma engama-20 ebingibingelela ngenkulu intokozo engake ngaba nayo nengangingakaze ngiyicabange. "

Kuchaza imizwa ayizwa ngaleso sikhathi ngokuthi "injabulo ezingeni eliphakathi ngaphandle kokuguqulwa". Yize ehluleka ukukhomba le miphefumulo ngamagama, wazizwa ebazi kahle "futhi azi ukuthi bengibazi kuze kube phakade". Ngokusho kwe-akhawunti yakhe eshicilelwe, le miphefumulo “yavela njengezimo ezakhekile, kepha hhayi ngemiphetho egcwele yemizimba yemvelo eyakhelwayo esinayo eMhlabeni. Imiphetho yazo yayifiphele, ngoba yonke imvelo yokomoya yayikhazimula futhi icwebezela. Ukuba khona kwabo kwagwinya zonke izinzwa zami, kwangathi ngangingababona, ngabalalela, ngabezwa, ngabanuka futhi ngabanambitha bonke ngasikhathi sinye. "

Ngenkathi ethi uyayibona imizamo yokulangazelela ukuvuselela umzimba wakhe wenyama, wazizwa edonsekela kubangane bakhe abasha ngendlela eyaholela egumbini "elikhulu nelikhanyayo, elikhudlwana futhi elihle kakhulu kunanoma yini engicabanga ukuyibona. Umhlaba. " Uzwile ukuthi lo "ngumnyango umuntu wonke umuntu okumele adlule kuwo" ukuze "abukeze izimpilo zethu nokukhetha kwethu" futhi "akhethe uNkulunkulu noma afulathele". Uyabhala: “Ngazizwa sengikulungele ukungena egumbini futhi ngangigcwele isifiso esijulile sokuhlangana kabusha noNkulunkulu.

Kepha abangane bakhe bamchazela ukuthi kwakungeyona isikhathi sakhe ukungena - ukuthi wayesenomsebenzi okufanele awenze emhlabeni. "Akungijabulisanga ukubuya - ukuba neqiniso, ngilwile kancane," kusho ngesikhathi kuqhubeka izingxoxo, egcona ukukhumbula. Kepha ekugcineni, abafundi afunda nabo bamqinisekisa ukuthi abuyele emzimbeni wakhe futhi aqale inqubo ende yokululama ekulimaleni kwakhe emzimbeni nasekuphothulweni komsebenzi azi ukuthi usehlehlisiwe ukuthi awuqede.

Namuhla, ngaphezu kweminyaka eyi-13 kamuva, welashwa ngokuphelele - akazange ahlushwe ukulimala kobuchopho yize ayengaphansi kwamanzi imizuzu eyi-14 - futhi wabhekana nezinkinga nezinkinga zempilo, kufaka phakathi ukufa kendodana yakhe uWillie, okuqhakazile futhi ukuthembisa ukuthembisa ukwethembisa i-Olimpiki, ngonyaka ka-1999. Kodwa kuhlobene nokuphila okuhlukile kunangaphambi kwengozi ye-kayak.

"Njengoba ngibona impilo, wonke umzuzu wezinsuku usushintshile," kusho yena. “Indlela engizibona ngayo kanye nabanye isishintshe kakhulu. Indlela engiwenza ngayo umsebenzi wami njengodokotela isishintshile. Ngicabanga ukuthi ngingudokotela ongcono manje, ngomqondo wokuthi ngizama ukwelapha wonke umuntu, hhayi ukulimala kuphela. Izinselelo zomzimba kungaba ngamathuba okukhula - ngicabanga ukuthi yithemba elihle okufanele ulilondoloze. Bengingeke ngikwenze kungekudala. "

Futhi ngakho-ke uyaqhubeka nempilo yakhe ngombono omusha. Uthi manje usethola kulula kakhulu ukulinganisela umsebenzi wakhe ngokusebenzela umndeni wakhe, isonto lakhe nomphakathi wakhe. Usebenze njengomdala ebandleni lakhe lasePresbyterian, ebhodini labaqondisi lezinhlangano eziningi ezingenzi nzuzo, futhi wasiza ekutholeni isiKhwama seWillie Neal Environmental Awareness Fund. Futhi, oh yebo, usithola isikhathi se-kayaking. "Ngokusekelwe kulwazi lwami, ngiyazi ukuthi uNkulunkulu unecebo kimina nawo wonke umuntu," kusho yena. “Umsebenzi wethu ukulalela futhi sizame ukulalela lokho uNkulunkulu asitshela kona njengoba asitshela lokho esikudingayo. Inselelo yangempela kithina ukuyeka ukuzilawula futhi silalele lokho uNkulunkulu akufuna kithi. "

Uma sikwazi ukubona ukuthi sikwenza kanjani, uthi, siyobe sesilungile lapho kufika isikhathi sokungena kulelo “gumbi elikhulu nelikhanyayo” ahlangane nalo ngesikhathi sokuhlala kwakhe okufushane empilweni emva kokufa. "Ngibheke phambili ngosuku engabuya ngalo," kusho manje, ecishe anyibilike. "Leli likhaya lethu langempela."