Intsapho: abazali bohlukene, ugqirha wezingane uthi?

ABAZALI BAHLUKILE ... kwaye uthini ugqirha wabantwana?

Ngaba kukho ingcebiso yokwenza iimpazamo ezincinci? Mhlawumbi ngaphezu kwesiqwenga esinye seengcebiso sifuna ukuncedwa kukubonakalisa kunye kwindlela abasabela ngayo abantwana nendlela yokubathintela. Nazi ezinye zeengcebiso.

1. Akukho mithetho yokuziphatha
Isibini ngasinye sinembali yaso, indlela yaso yokwabelana ixesha kunye nezinto ezenziwayo nabantwana, indlela yaso yokuthetha nabantwana. Isibini ngasinye sinezingane ezahlukileyo kwabanye abantwana.
Ngesi sizathu, sonke isibini kwixesha elandulelayo nelilandela ukwahlukana kufuneka sizifumanele indlela yabo yokuziphatha, engqinelanayo neempawu zobomi kunye nokuziphatha ababa nakho kude kube lelo xesha. Iingcebiso azifuneki. Sidinga uncedo lokuvavanya ii-hypotheses ezahlukeneyo kunye nezinto ezinokwenzeka, ukubonakalisa ngokudibeneyo kwiziphumo zabantwana, ukuya phambili ngcono.

2. Abantwana bafuna bobabini utata notata
Kwelinye icala, akukho mfuneko yokuba ngumzali olungileyo kunye nomzali ombi, okanye utata okanye umama obathanda kakhulu kangangokuba bakulungele ukwenza nantoni na ukubakhupha komnye umzali.
Ngaphandle kwamatyala anqabileyo kakhulu obungozi bokuba omnye wabazali, ukukhangela esona sivumelwano sinokubakho sokuvumela abantwana ukuba bagcine ubudlelwane kunye bobabini yeyona nto ilungileyo inokwenziwa. Ukufumana umanyano lwabantwana ngokuchasene nomnye umzali, emva kokubenza baqiniseke ukuba ulikhohlakeleyo, umgwebi, unobangela wayo yonke into, asilo loyiso. Kukungaphumeleli.

3. Asingawo amagama amaninzi
Ukuchaza okwenzekayo ngaphandle kobuxoki kufuna umlinganiso. Iingqungquthela zengqungquthela ezibizelwe kwiithoni ezisemthethweni ("umama notata kufuneka bathethe nawe ngento ebalulekileyo") baneentloni kwaye banenzondelelo kubantwana, kwaye akunamsebenzi, ingakumbi ukuba abazali banethemba ngale ndlela lokusombulula yonke into ngaxeshanye. : iinkcazo, ukuqinisekiswa, kunye nokwenza inkcazo yedrama yento eza kwenzeka “emva”. Azinanjongo. Akukho namnye onokuthi ngokwenyani kuya kwenzeka kwiinyanga nakwiminyaka emva kokwahlukana. Abantwana badinga izalathiso ezicacileyo ezibonakalayo malunga nokuba kwenzeka ntoni kwaye yintoni eza kutshintsha kungekudala. Ukuthetha ngekamva elikude kakhulu, ngaphandle kokungabinamsebenzi, akuqinisekisi kwaye kunokubangela ukudideka.

4. Ukuqinisekiswa kwakhona, inqaku lokuqala
Abantwana mabaxelelwe ngabazali bobabini ukuba kwenzeka ntoni phakathi kukatata nomama (kwaye abantwana sele bekrokrela, kuba beve iingxoxo, ukulila, okanye ubuncinci bokungakhathali okungaqhelekanga) ayilotyala labo: kufuneka kukhunjulwe ukuba abantwana bazicingela bodwa, kwaye kulula kakhulu kubo ukuba baqiniseke ukuba indlela abaziphethe ngayo idlale indima enkulu ekungavisisani phakathi kwabazali babo, mhlawumbi kuba beve bethetha ngokuziphatha kwabo esikolweni, okanye enye into ebachaphazelayo.
Kubalulekile ukuba kucace gca, kwaye nokuphindaphinda ngaphezulu kube kanye ukuba ukwahlulwa kukamama notata kuchaphazela abantu abadala kuphela.

5. Ukuqinisekiswa kwakhona, inqaku lesibini
Ukongeza, kubalulekile ukuqinisekisa abantwana ukuba utata kunye no mama baya kuqhubeka nokubakhathalela, nokuba bahlala ngokwahlukeneyo. Ukuthetha malunga nothando, ukuchaza ukuba utata notata baya kuqhubeka nokubathanda abantwana babo akwanele.
Isidingo sononophelo kunye noloyiko lokuphulukana nenkathalo yabazali yomelele kakhulu, kwaye ayihambelani nemfuno yothando.
Kwakhona kule nqaku, kubalulekile ukuba ucace kwaye unike izibonakaliso (ezimbalwa kwaye zicace) kwindlela oceba ukuseta ngayo ubomi bakho ukuba uqinisekise abantwana ngononophelo olufanayo nolwangaphambili.

6. Akukho lutshintsho lwendima
Lumka ungaguqukeli abantwana bakho ekubeni ngabathuthuzeli, ababambela ootata (okanye oonina), abalamli, abenzi boxolo okanye iintlola. Ngexesha lotshintsho olunjengolo lokwahlulahlula, kubalulekile ukuba unonophele kakhulu kwizicelo ezenziwa ebantwaneni nakwindima ekucetyiswa yona.
Eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuphepha ukudideka kwendima kukusoloko uzama ukukhumbula ukuba abantwana ngabantwana: zonke ezinye iindima esizibalule ngaphambili (umthuthuzeli, umlamli, umlhloli, njl njl.) Ziindima zabantu abadala. Kufuneka basindiswe abantwana, nokuba babonakala ngathi bayazicebisa.

7. Vumela iintlungu
Ukucacisa ngokucacileyo, ukuqinisekisa, ukuqinisekisa ukhathalelo lomntu akuthethi ukuba abantwana abanangxaki yotshintsho olukhulu: ukulahleka kwabazali njengesibini, kodwa kunye nokulahla imikhwa yangaphambili kunye nentuthuzelo ethile, isidingo sokuziqhelanisa nesimbo yobomi obutsha kwaye obuhlala bungonwabisi buvelisa iimvakalelo ezahlukeneyo, inzondo, ixhala, ukuphelelwa lithemba, ukungaqiniseki, umsindo. Akulunganga ukubuza abantwana - ngokungagungqiyo okanye ngokucacileyo - ukuba babe nengqiqo, baqonde, "bangangxoli". Okubi nangakumbi kukuba, kubenza ukuba balinganise iintlungu abazibangela abazali babo ngokubandezeleka kwabo. Oku kuthetha ukuba wenza ngathi abantwana ababonisi zintlungu zabo ukuze abantu abadala bangaziva benetyala. Into elungileyo kukuba uxelele umntwana ukuba kuyaqondakala ukuba uziva ngale ndlela, ukuba eneneni ngamava anzima, ukuba utata nomama abakwazanga ukumgcina kodwa bayayiqonda into yokuba usentlungwini, ukuba unomsindo, njl. ukumnceda ngandlela zonke ukuze azive engcono

8. Akukho mbuyekezo
Indlela yokwenza abantwana bazive bhetele kancinci kumanqanaba okwahlukana kwabazali ayikokufuna imbuyekezo. Utyekelo lokuba nemvume ngakumbi, ukunciphisa izicelo kancinci kunokuba nengqondo, okoko yonke le yinxalenye yokukhangela imithetho emitsha, indlela yokuphila elungele imeko entsha. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuba ukunyenyiswa kuyinxalenye yokhuphiswano lomgama omde phakathi kwabazali ababini ukuphumelela isihloko "somzali ongcono" (Oko kukuthi, ukupha ngakumbi, ukuvulela ngakumbi ukreqo, ukulungele ngakumbi ukusayina izizathu zesikolo okanye ukwanelisa ii-whims), okanye banentsingiselo yohlobo "into ehluphekileyo, nayo yonke into ehamba nayo", ingqwalaselo ayizukulunga ukukhalaza ukuba abantwana bafunda "ukuxhaphaza imeko", baya befuna ngakumbi nangakumbi kwaye bangabunyamezeli umda, kwaye ukuba bayakuqhela ukudlala indima yexhoba eliye lahlupheka kakhulu, inxenye engenabuhlobo kwaye ngaphezulu kwako konke ayifanelekanga kakhulu ekukhuthazeni ukukhangelwa kwezixhobo zokujongana neemeko ezinzima.

9. Ayisiyiyo yonke into eyenzeka ebantwaneni ziziphumo zokwahlukana
Amanqanaba okwahlukana ngokuqinisekileyo aneempembelelo kwiimvakalelo zabantwana, indlela yokuziphatha nakwimpilo yabo. Kodwa ukusuka apha ukuze uqiniseke ukuba zonke iintlungu zesisu, zonke iimpawu, onke amabakala amabi esikolweni ziziphumo ngqo zokwahlukana, kukho umahluko omkhulu. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, le yinkolelo eyingozi, kuba iyasithintela ekwenzeni ezinye iingcinga, kwaye ngenxa yoko ekufumaneni izisombululo ezifanelekileyo. Ukungaphumeleli esikolweni kunokuba ngenxa yento eyenzekayo esikolweni (utshintsho lootitshala, ubunzima noontanga), okanye ukulungelelaniswa kwexesha. Isisu esibuhlungu sinokubangelwa lutshintsho kwisitayile kunye nokutya isingqisho, mhlawumbi ngokungathanga ngqo kunxulunyaniswe nokwahlukana, kodwa kuthathwe manyathelo mani. Ukugxotha yonke into eyenzekayo ngenxa yoxinzelelo lokwahlula yinto elula ayakhi.

10. Yandisa inethiwekhi
Ngalo lonke ixesha uhlonipha indlela umntwana ngamnye afunda ngayo kwimeko entsha eyenziweyo emva kokwahlukana, kuluncedo ukuzama ukwandisa ubudlelane bezonxibelelwano (kunye noncedo), ulwe notyekelo lobuqhawe lokuba "yenze wedwa". Ungazama ukucebisa (unganyanzelisi) imisebenzi emitsha yasimahla ebantwaneni, zama ukubeka iishifti ezihamba kunye nabanye abazali, ukhuthaze imisebenzi yezemidlalo ekubandakanyeka kuyo abantu abadala ababalulekileyo (umqeqeshi, umphathi wezemidlalo).
Ngayiphi na imeko, kulungile ukunqanda ukuthintela ukukhangela amanani amatsha abantu abadala aqhuba ngexesha lesigaba sohlukano lwabazali babo, ngokuzibandakanya kumfundisi-ntsapho okanye kumzali womhlobo: ngokuchasene noko kunokubonakala, inethiwekhi ebanzi Amanani abantu abadala avumela ukunciphisa umlinganiso kamama / utata.

nguMbutho weNkcubeko waBantwana