Funda ukuthetha iilwimi ezi-5 zothando
Incwadi ethengiswa kakhulu nguGary Chapman Iilwimi ezi-5 zoLwimi (uPapasho lwaseNorthfield) yinto ekubhekiswa kuyo rhoqo kusapho lwethu. UChapman uthi xa sinxibelelana nabo sibathandayo, sisebenzisa "iilwimi" ezintlanu - ukubamba ngokwasemzimbeni, amagama okuvuma, izenzo zenkonzo, ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye nesipho - ukubonisa inkathalo nokuzinikela kwethu. Ngokufanayo, siyakwazi ukufumana uthando lwabanye ngezi lwimi zintlanu.
Umntu ngamnye ufuna zontlanu iilwimi, kodwa kwezi lwimi zintlanu umntu ngamnye unolwimi lokuqala. Abo banolwimi olusisiseko lothando lwamagama aqinisekisayo, umzekelo, bayakhawuleza ukugxininisa okuhle abakubonayo kwabo banobudlelwane nabo: "Nxiba kakuhle!" Abantu abantetho yabo iphambili yothando zizenzo zenkonzo bangafunyanwa benze ukutya, benze imisebenzi yasekhaya, okanye bancede abo bosapho.
U-Liam, umntwana wethu wesibini, unezenzo zonqulo njengolona lwimi lwakhe luphambili lothando. Uyitsho ngale ndlela xa wayendinceda ndilungiselela itheko: “Kukho into malunga nokuseta ezi zitulo kunye neetafile ezindonwabisa kakhulu. Ndicinga wonke umntu ozayo kwaye uzakuba nayo njani indawo yokuhlala. Ngaba wonke umntu uziva elungele ipati? “Ndibukele udadewabo, uTeenasia, ebukele umabonakude, olwimi lwakhe luphambili luthando kukupha izipho, kwaye ndaqinisekisa uLiam ukuba ayinguye wonke umntu owonwabayo ngomsebenzi weyure yokugqibela phambi kokuba kufike iindwendwe.
Umceli mngeni wobomi bosapho kukuba wonke umntu "uthetha" ulwimi olwahlukileyo oluphambili lothando. Ndingabahlamba abantwana bam ngezincomo, kodwa ukuba andiqondi ukuba uJamilet unokukhetha ukwanga (ukubamba ngokwasemzimbeni) kwaye uJacob ufuna ixesha elithile nam, asinakudibana ngokulula. Amadoda nabafazi abalwaziyo ulwimi lwabo lothando banakho ukumelana nokudodobala nokuhamba komtshato. Ndiyazi ukuba olona lwimi lokuqala lweBill lixesha elifanelekileyo, kwaye uyayiqonda ukuba eyam ngamazwi okuvuma. Umhla esiwudingayo sobabini sisidlo sedwa kunye nencoko esemgangathweni ebandakanya uBill endixelela ukuba ndimhle kangakanani. Ndiyadlala. Uhlobo lwe.
Kodwa ngelixa iilwimi ezintlanu zothando zibalulekile kubomi bosapho, zithatha ukubaluleka ngakumbi xa sijonga indlela esibizelwe ngayo ukukhonza abo benzakeleyo phakathi kwethu. Uphononongo olusemagqabini olwenziwe ngamaZiko oLawulo noKuthintela iZifo (CDC) kunye noKaiser Permanente lubonisa ukuba amava obuntwana (i-ACEs) ahlala engcambu zezinye zeengxaki zoluntu lwethu. Abantwana abafumene umothuko ngohlobo lokuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwesondo, abangakhathalelwanga, ababone ubundlobongela, abanengxaki yokutya, okanye abanabazali abasebenzisa iziyobisi okanye utywala banamathuba okuba babe ngabantu abadala kunye nomsebenzi ophantsi, amazinga aphezulu okusebenzisa iziyobisi notywala, amazinga aphezulu ezempilo, kunye namazinga aphezulu oxinzelelo kunye nokuzibulala.
I-CDC iqaphela ukuba malunga neepesenti ezingama-40 zabemi bafumana iindidi ezimbini okanye nangaphezulu ze-ACE kwiphepha lemibuzo elinamanqaku ali-10, phantse iipesenti ezili-10 zabantu abafumana ii-ACE ezine okanye ezingaphezulu ezibuhlungu ebuntwaneni. Ngelixa uphando ekwakheni ukomelela kubantwana lusaphuhliswa, ndijonga kwinqanaba ngalinye elicelwa yi-CDC kwisifundo sabo se-ACE kwaye ndibone ulwimi oluhambelana nothando, njengoko kuchaziwe nguChapman, olunokuba yinxalenye yenkqubo yokuphilisa. .
Isichasi sokulahlwa kunye nolwimi olusulungekileyo lokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo ngamagama okuvuma. Isichasi sokulahlwa sisipho sezinto eziyimfuneko kukutya, indawo yokuhlala kunye nempahla. Ukuchasana nokuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni nangokwesondo kukuthandana, kukhuselekile, kwaye kwamkelekile ukudibana komzimba. Into eyahlukileyo yokungabinamzali ovalelweyo okanye osebenzisa kakubi iziyobisi okanye utywala lixesha elifanelekileyo. Kwaye iinkonzo zenkonzo zinokulwa naliphi na udidi lwe-ACE, kuxhomekeke ekubeni yintoni inkonzo.
Ii-ACEs kunye ne traumas ziyinxalenye yamava oluntu kuKayin noAbheli. Akukho mfuneko yokuba sijonge kude kwabo basokolayo. Bangamalungu osapho lwethu, abamelwane kunye namalungu ebandla lethu. Bangabalingane bethu kwaye abo basemgceni wesicwangciso sokutya. Into entsha kukuba isayensi ngoku ingangqina ifuthe loxinzelelo ebesinalo ngaphambili. Ngoku sinokulinganisa kwaye sinike ulwimi kwiingozi ezivela kuthando oluncinci. Kudala sazi ukuba abantwana abonzakeleyo bajongana nemiceli mngeni ebudaleni, kodwa ngoku iCDC isibonakalisile kanye ukuba iyakuba yintoni na ingozi.
Iilwimi zothando nazo azizintsha, okwangoku zichazwe ngcono. Yonke into eyenziwa nguYesu-ukusukela ekuphiliseni kwakhe ukuya kwinqanaba lakhe elifanelekileyo kunye nabafundi kwinkonzo yakhe ekuhlambeni iinyawo zakhe-yayilulwimi lothando. Umsebenzi wethu njengabalandeli kukudibanisa oko inzululwazi ibonakalisa kunye nemisebenzi ekudala sibizelwe ukuyenza.
Sibizelwe ukuphilisa ngothando. Kufuneka sifunde ngokutyibilikayo zontlanu iilwimi.