Ndibeka isisu kunye nokukhipha isisu, ndiguqulwe eMedjugorje

Ndiyikhumbula kakuhle loo mini kaFebruwari. Ndaye ekholejini. Rhoqo ndijonga ngefestile ndizibuze ukuba uSara sele emkile na. USara wayekhulelwe ngexesha lebali elivaliweyo elikhawulezayo ngovavanyo oluqinisekileyo lokukhulelwa. Wayephethukele kum efuna uncedo, wayengazi ukuba makathini. "Sisigaqa nje seeseli" satsho. Emva koko kwafika eso sigqibo. Ndaziva ndinebhongo lokuba ndicebise uSara ukuba aqhomfe. Ndiyakholelwa ngokuqinisekileyo kule nkululeko evumela abantu basetyhini ukuba balawule ubuni babo kunye nokulawula ukuba ngumama, de kube kupheliswe ngokupheleleyo. Kuquka nabantwana.

Ukanti ikhona into eyaphazanyiswa ngaloo mini kaFebruwari. Ukuba ndandiqinisekile ngeenkolelo zam, kwakutheni ukuze isikhumbuzo saloo mva kwemini size engqondweni engqondweni, ivumba lesibhedlele, ukukhala kukaSara? Kutheni le nto bendicinga ngolu khetho ndinosizi olunzulu ngalo lonke ixesha ndibona umntwana? Impendulo yeza kwiminyaka embalwa kamva, ngexesha lesemina yobomi endiye ndaya kuyo. Apho, ndafumanisa ukuba iyintoni na kanye into yokuqhomfa: ukubulala. Okanye mandithi: into endiyibize njengelungelo lokukhupha isisu yayikukubulala abantu abaninzi apho umama nomntwana babengamaxhoba aphambili apho kongezwe ukufa kwangaphakathi. Ndandikwelo qela. Ngokuvuma ukuqhomfa, ndabangela ukuba ndizikhuphe ngaphakathi ndingazange ndiqonde kwangoko. Umngxunya omncinci entliziyweni yam andikhange ndiwuhoye, ndibanjiswe kukuthanda umsebenzi olungileyo ukuqala nje kunye nomoya oqhubela phambili endibhaptizwe kuwo.

Bendi ngumdlali wehlabathi wesithathu ukulungele ukukhuthaza naluphi na uhlobo lwamalungelo elinokwenza uluntu lube nokulingana kwaye lube nobulungisa, ngokweembono ezikhuthazwa zii-avant-gardes zenkcubeko. I was anticlerical: ukuthetha ngeCawe kwakuthetha amanyundululu, i-pedophilia, ubutyebi obungenakulinganiswa, abefundisi abanomdla wokuhlakulela ububi. Ngokubhekisele kubukho bukaThixo, ndandikugqala njengokuzonwabisa kumanenekazi amadala asele esidla umhlala-phantsi. Kubudlelwane, ndafumanisa ukuba amadoda anengxaki enkulu kunye nobudoda bawo, esoyika ubukrakra bomfazi kwaye akakwazi ukulawula nokwenza izigqibo. Ndibazi abantu basetyhini abadiniweyo (kubandakanya nam) bokukhokela ubudlelwane namadoda njengaboyikayo nabangakhuliyo abantwana. Ndaziva ndingathembeki ngakumbi kubantu besini esahlukileyo, ngelixa ndabona ukungqinelana okunamandla nabasetyhini kukhula, okuqiniswayo xa ndiqala ukuya kwimibutho rhoqo nakwizangqa zenkcubeko.

Iingxoxo kunye neeworkshops yayizizihlandlo zokujongana nemicimbi yezentlalo, kubandakanya ukungazinzi kobukho bomntu. Ukongeza emsebenzini, imeko yengozi yayiqale ukonakalisa kancinci imeko yeemvakalelo. Kwakudingeka ukuba kuphendulwe ngokukhuthaza iintlobo zothando ezisekwe kubushushu beemvakalelo nasekuzimiseleni, zinika ukukhanya okuluhlaza kolo lwalamano lukwazi ukugcina isantya notshintsho eluntwini, oluthi, ngokwale ngcinga, usapho lwendalo alusekho ndiyakwazi ukuxolela. Kwakudingeka ukuzikhulula kubudlelwane bamadoda nabasetyhini, ngoku kuthathwa njengokuphikisana kunokuncedisana.

Kwimozulu enjalo esebenzayo, ngexeshana elincinci ndizifumene ndiphila nobufanasini bam. Yonke le nto yenzeke ngendlela elula. Ndaziva ndonelisekile kwaye ndikholelwa ekubeni ndifumene ukugqibelela kwangaphakathi. Ndandiqinisekile ukuba kuphela ngumfazi osecaleni kwam endiza kukufumanisa ngokupheleleyo oko kwakuyindibaniselwano elungileyo yeemvakalelo, iimvakalelo kunye neenjongo. Kancinci kancinci, nangona kunjalo, laa vortex yokwabelana ngeemvakalelo eyasekwa kunye nabasetyhini phantsi kobuqhetseba beemvakalelo ezingezizo, yaqala ukunditya ndide ndifikelele kwinqanaba lokondla loo mvakalelo yokuba lilize ngokuzalwa kukhupha isisu.

Ngapha koko, ngokuxhasa ubuxoki bokuqhomfa, ndandisele ndiqalisile ukuzibulala, ndiqala ekubeni ngumama. Ndikhanyela into ebandakanya ubudlelwane bomama nomntwana, ewe, kodwa nangaphaya. Ngapha koko, wonke umntu wasetyhini ungumama owaziyo ukwamkela kunye nokuluka iibhondi zoluntu: usapho, izihlobo kunye nabantu obathandayo. Umfazi usebenzisa "ukuba ngumama okwandisiweyo" okuvelisa ubomi: sisipho esinika intsingiselo kubudlelwane, sibazalise ngemixholo kwaye sibalondoloze. Emva kokuba ndixhwile esi sipho sixabisekileyo kum, ndazifumana ndihluthwa ubuntombi bam kwaye kum "loo mngxunya umncinci entliziyweni yam" wadalwa owathi emva koko waba ngumsantsa xa ndandihlala ubufanasini. Ngobudlelwane kunye nomntu obhinqileyo, bendizama ukuphinda ndibubambe ubufazi endandibanciphisile.

Phakathi kwale nyikima, isimemo esingalindelwanga sandifikela: uhambo oluya eMedjugorje. Ngudadewethu owandicebisayo. Naye wayengenguye umlandeli weCawa, wayengenguye umntu obaxekileyo njengam, kodwa wayanele nje kwisindululo sakhe sokuba andisuse. Uye wandibuza kuba ebekhona kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo neqela labahlobo: uye waya khona efuna ukwazi kwaye ngoku ufuna ukundibalisela la mava, ngokokutsho kwakhe, ebenguvukelo-mbuso. Wayehlala esithi kum "awuyazi ukuba ithetha ukuthini" ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba lokuba ndamkele. Ndifuna nje ukubona ukuba yintoni apho. Ndimthembile, bendisazi ukuba ngumntu oqiqayo kwaye ke kufuneka ukuba ikhona into emchukumisileyo. Nangona kunjalo, ndahlala ndihlala nombono wam: akukho nto ilungileyo inokuvela kwinkolo, kakhulu kwindawo apho abantu abathandathu babanga ukuba nezibhengezo kum ezazithetha isindululo sobumbano.

Ngalempahla yam yezimvo, sahamba. Nanku ummangaliso. Ukumamela ibali labo bahlangabezana nale meko (abona bantu baphambili, abahlali, oogqirha abenze uhlalutyo kubantu ababonayo), ndiye ndaluqonda ucalucalulo lwam kunye nendlela abandimfamekise ngayo kwaye bandithintela ekujongeni inyani yintoni Ndaqala ukucinga ukuba yonke into eseMedjugorje yayingeyonyani kuba mna inkolo yayingeyonyani kwaye iyilelwe ukucinezela inkululeko yabantu abathembekileyo. Ukanti, le nkolelo yam kwakufuneka ijongane nenyaniso ebonakalayo: apho eMedjugorje kwakukho ulwandle lwabantu ababethontelana bevela kwihlabathi lonke. Unokwenzeka njani lo mnyhadala ukuba ume kwaye ume ngaphezulu kweminyaka engamashumi amathathu?

Ubuxoki abuhlali xesha lide, emva kwexesha buyavela. Endaweni yoko, ukumamela ubungqina obuninzi, abantu ababuyela emakhaya baqhubeka nohambo lokholo, baya kwiisakramente, iimeko zosapho ezimangalisayo zasonjululwa, abantu abagulayo abaphilayo, ngakumbi kwizifo zomphefumlo, ezinjengezo siqhele ukubabiza ngamaxhala, ukudakumba, paranoia, okuhlala kukhokelela ekuzibulaleni. Kwakukho ntoni eMedjugorje ngokwaneleyo ukubuguqula ubomi besi sihlwele? Okanye: ngubani owayekhona? Kungekudala ndafumanisa. Kwakukho uThixo ophilayo owanyamekela abantwana bakhe ngesandla sikaMariya. Olu phando lutsha lwenziwe ngokumamela ubungqina babo babedlule kuloo ndawo kwaye bathatha isigqibo sokuhlala bakhonza kolunye uluntu kwaye baxelele abahambi ngezonqulo ukuba lo mama usebenza nzima kanjani ukususa abantwana babo ekuphumleni. Olo luvo lokungabinanto olwaluhamba nam yayiyimeko yomphefumlo endinokwabelana ngayo nabo babephila ngamava afanayo nala am, kodwa ngubani, ngokungafaniyo nam, owayeyekile ukubhadula.

Ukususela kuloo mzuzu ukuya phambili, ndaqala ukuzibuza imibuzo: Yintoni eyinyani enokuthi indikhokelele ekuqondeni ngokupheleleyo? Ngaba indlela endandiphila ngayo yayihambelana nokulunga kwam okwenyani okanye yayiyinto embi eyanceda ukuphuhlisa loo manxeba omphefumlo? EMedjugorje ndaye ndanamava aphathekayo ngoThixo: ukubandezeleka kwabo babephila kwinto eyaphukileyo yayikukubandezeleka kwam nokumamela ubungqina babo kwaye "uvuko" lwabo luvule amehlo am. Kwixesha elidlulileyo babone ukholo kunye ne-aseptic lens yekhethe. Ngoku, la mava kaThixo "ongaze abashiye abantwana bakhe bodwa kwaye ngaphezu kwako konke engenazintlungu kwaye engaphelelwa lithemba" eyaqala eMedjugorje yaqhubeka ebomini bam, ndaya kwiMisa eNgcwele. Ndinxanelwe inyaniso kwaye ndafumana ukuphumla kuphela ngokutsala kuloo mthombo wamanzi aphilayo abizwa ngokuba liLizwi likaThixo.Nantsi, enyanisweni, ndafumana igama lam, imbali yam, isazisi sam sikroliwe; Kancinci kancinci, ndaqonda ukuba iNkosi ibeka iprojekthi yentsusa yomntwana ngamnye, eyenziwe ngeetalente kunye neempawu ezenza ukuba umntu abonakale.

Kancinci, ubumfama obasibekele isizathu bachithwa kwaye intandabuzo yavela kum yokuba loo malungelo enkululeko endandihlala ndikholelwa kuyo yayiyinto embi efihliweyo elungileyo eyayithintela uFrancesca wokwenyani ukuba avele kwingqibelelo yakhe. Ngamehlo amatsha, ndangena kwindlela apho ndizama ukuqonda inyani yesazisi sam. Ndathatha inxaxheba kwiisemina zokuphila ubomi apho ndaye ndazijongisa kwabo babenamava afanayo nakum, noochwephesha bezengqondo kunye nababingeleli abaziingcali kwimicimbi enxulumene nobunikazi: ekugqibeleni, bendingenazo iilensi zethiyori kwaye bendiphila ngokwenyani. Ngapha koko, apha ndadibanisa iziqwenga zale phazili intsonkothileyo eyaba bubomi bam: ukuba ngaphambi kokuba amaqhekeza asasazeke kwaye atshatwe ngendlela embi, ngoku babethatha loo myalelo wokuba ndiqale ndibone ipateni: ubufanasini bam Iziphumo zokuchongwa kwesini sobufazi kunye nokuqhomfa. Eyona nto bendiyikholelwe iminyaka inokuthi indizalisekise ngokupheleleyo indibulele, indithengisela ubuxoki obudluliselwe njengenyaniso.

Ukuqala kolu lwazi, ndaqala ukunxibelelana kwakhona nobuni bam njengowasetyhini, ndibuyisa into ebiwe kum: mna. Namhlanje nditshatile kwaye uDavid uhamba ecaleni kwam, obesondele kum kule ndlela. Ngamnye wethu kukho iprojekthi eyenziweyo nguLowo ekuphela kwakhe okwaziyo ukusikhokela koko sikuko. Yonke into ilele ekuthini ewe wethu njengabantwana bakaThixo, ngaphandle kokucinga ukubulala loo projekthi ngolindelo lobuxoki olungenakuze luthathe indawo yethu njengamadoda nabafazi.