Iingcaphuno zikaGeorge Carlin ezilungileyo kwezenkolo

UGeorge Carlin wayengumntu ohlekisayo, owayedume ngokuhlekisa, intetho engcolileyo, kunye nembono ephikisanayo kwezopolitiko, inkolo kunye nezinye izihloko ezibuthathaka. Wazalwa nge-12 kaMeyi, ngo-1937 kwisiXeko saseNew York kusapho lwama-Irish Katolika, kodwa walugatya ukholo. Abazali bakhe bahlukana xa wayesengumntwana kuba utata wakhe wayelinxila.

Waye waya kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo samaRoma Katolika, awathi ekugqibeleni wasishiya. Ukwabonakalisa italente yokuqala yedrama ngexesha lasehlotyeni eCamp Notre Dame eNew Hampshire. Wajoyina uMkhosi Womoya wase-US kodwa wazanywa amatyeli aliqela enkundleni kwaye wafumana isohlwayo esingaphezulu. Nangona kunjalo, uCarllin wasebenza kunomathotholo ngexesha lomsebenzi wakhe wasemkhosini, kwaye oku kwakuza kuvala indlela yakhe yokuhlekisa, apho angazange azifihle kwizimangalo, ezinjengonqulo.

Ngezi zivakalisi zingezantsi, unokusiqonda kakuhle isizathu sokuba uCarlin alahle ubuKatolika ngenxa yokungakholelwa kubukho bukaThixo.

Yintoni inkolo
Sidale isithixo ngokomfanekiso wethu nangokufana nathi!
Inkolo iqinisekisile umhlaba ukuba kukho umntu ongabonakaliyo esibhakabhakeni obukele yonke into oyenzayo. Kwaye kukho izinto ezili-10 angafuni ukuba uzenze kungenjalo uza kuya kwindawo evuthayo nedike lomlilo kude kube sekupheleni kobunaphakade. Kodwa uyakuthanda! … Kwaye uyayidinga imali! Inamandla onke, kodwa ayikwazi ukuphatha imali! [UGeorge Carlin, osuka kwi-albhamu "Nonke ninesifo" (ungamfumana nakwincwadi ethi "Napalm and Silly Putty".)
inkolo luhlobo lokuphakamisa izicathulo zakho. Ukuba kukwenza uzive ngcono, kulungile. Ungandiceli ukuba ndinxibe izihlangu zakho.
Imfundo kunye nokholo
Ndiyabhengeza ukuba iminyaka esibhozo yesikolo segrama yandikhulisa kwicala apho ndingazithemba khona kunye nomoya wam. Bandinika izixhobo zokwala ukholo lwam. Bandifundise ukubuza imibuzo kwaye ndizicingele ngokwam kwaye ndikholelwe kwimo yethu yengqondo kangangokuba ndathi nje, "Yintsomi entle le yokuba beza apha, kodwa ayindim." [George Carlin kwiNew York Times-Agasti 20, 1995, iphe. 17. Waye wafunda kwiKhadinali Hayes High School eBronx, kodwa washiya unyaka wakhe wokugqibela ngo-1952 kwaye akazange abuyele esikolweni. Ngaphambili wayefunda kwisikolo samaGrama, iCorpus Christi, awayesibiza ngokuba sisikolo sokulinga.
Endaweni yebhasi yesikolo kunye nomthandazo wesikolo, zizinto ezibini eziphikisanayo, kutheni singekho isisombululo esiqhelekileyo? Umthandazo ngebhasi. Ngaba aba bantwana baqhube imini yonke kwaye mababathandaze kwiintloko zabo ezincinci ezingenanto. [UGeorge Carlin, iiBrop Droppings]

Icawe kunye nesimo
Lo ngumthandazo omncinci obekelwe ukwahlulwa kwecawa kunye nelizwe. Ndiyacinga ukuba banganyanzela abo bantwana ukuba bathandaze ezikolweni, banokuba nomthandazo omnandi ngolu hlobo: Bawo wethu osemazulwini nakwiriphabliki ayimeleyo, ubukumkani bakho buza, uhlanga olungenakubonwa njengasezulwini, sinike olu suku Ngelixa sibaxolela abo sibabulisayo ngekratshi. Isithsaba sokulunga kwakho kwisilingo kodwa usisindise kwilitha lokugqibela langokuhlwa. Amen kunye noAwomen. [UGeorge Carlin, kwi "Saturday Night Live"]
Ndikulungele ngokupheleleyo ukwahlukana kwecawa kunye nesizwe. Uluvo lwam kukuba la maziko mabini aya kusonakalisa ngokwaneleyo ngokwabo, ngoko ke bobabini ngokufa.
Iintsomi zenkolo
Ndinegunya elifanayo nopopu, kodwa andinabo abantu abaninzi abakholelwa kuyo. [UGeorge Carlin, ubuchopho Brain Droppings]
UYesu wayengumnxibi weminqamlezo [uGeorge Carlin, Brain Droppings] Alla
Ekugqibeleni ndiyamamkela uYesu, hayi njengomhlanguli wam, kodwa njengendoda endizimisele ukuboleka imali kuyo. [UGeorge Carlin, ubuchopho Brain Droppings]
Andisoze ndafuna ukuba lilungu leqela elinophawu lwenkwenkwe ebethelelwe emithini emibini. [UGeorge Carlin, osuka kwi-albhamu "Indawo yeZinto zam"
Indoda yeza kum apha esitratweni yandixelela ukuba ndidibene neziyobisi kodwa ngoku ndididekile noJeeesus Chriiist.
Eyona nto intle eyakha yaphuma kwinkolo yayingumculo. [UGeorge Carlin, Ukulahlwa kobuchopho]

Gatya ukholo
Ndifuna uyazi, xa kufikwa kumba wokukholelwa kuThixo, ndizamile ngenene. Ndizamile nyani. Ndizamile ukukholelwa ukuba kukho uthixo owadala ngamnye kuthi ngokomfanekiselo wakhe nangokufana naye, usithanda kakhulu kwaye ubeka iliso kwizinto. Ndizamile ukuyikholelwa, kodwa kufuneka ndikuxelele, okukhona uphila ixesha elide, kokukhona ujonga-jonga, kokukhona uyaqonda ukuba… kukho into e-F-KED UP. Kukho into engalunganga apha. Imfazwe, izifo, ukufa, ukutshatyalaliswa, indlala, ukungcola, intlupheko, ukuhlushwa, ulwaphulo-mthetho, urhwaphilizo kunye ne-Ice Capades Ngokuqinisekileyo kukho into engalunganga. Lo asingomsebenzi ulungileyo. Ukuba ngoyena thixo ubalaseleyo anokuyenza, andichukumiseki Iziphumo ezinje ngezi azikho kwisishwankathelo somntu ophakamileyo. Olu luhlobo lwe-shit onokuyilindela kwiofisi enesimo sengqondo esibi. Kwaye phakathi kwakho nam, nakweyiphi na indawo ebaleka ngokufanelekileyo, lo mfo ngewayephume kwiesile lakhe elinamandla onke kwakudala. [UGeorge Carlin, usuka "Uyagula".]
Ngomthandazo
Izigidigidi kunye neetriliyoni zemithandazo yonke imihla zibuza, zibuze kwaye ucele ukulunga. 'Yenza oku' 'Ndinike lonto' 'Ndifuna imoto entsha' 'Ndifuna umsebenzi ongcono'. Kwaye uninzi lomthandazo lwenzeka ngeCawe. Kwaye nditsho kakuhle, thandazela nantoni na oyifunayo. Thandazela nantoni na. Kodwa… kuthekani ngesicwangciso sikaThixo? Uyayikhumbula loo nto? Isicwangciso esingcwele kwakudala uThixo wenza icebo elingcwele. Ndiye ndacinga ngayo kakhulu. Ndabona ukuba licebo elilungileyo. Yisebenzise. Kwaye iibhiliyoni kunye neebhiliyoni zeminyaka, icebo elingcwele lisebenze kakuhle. Ngoku yiza uthandazele into ethile. Ewe, masithi le nto uyifunayo ayikho kwisicwangciso sikaThixo, ufuna ndenze ntoni? Sitshintsha isicwangciso sakho? Yakho kuphela? Ngaba loo nto ayivakali ikratshi? Sisicwangciso esingcwele. Kukunceda ntoni ukuba nguThixo ukuba yonke into enesidima esineencwadi ezimbini zomthandazo ezinokuza zonakalise icebo lakho? Nantsi enye into, enye ingxaki onokuba nayo; caba imithandazo yakho ayiphendulwa Uthini? Ewe, kukuthanda kukaThixo intando kaThixo mayenziwe. Ewe, kodwa ukuba kukuthanda kukaThixo kwaye kuyo nayiphi na imeko uya kwenza nantoni na ayifunayo; Kutheni le nto lo mfo uzihlupha ngokuthandaza kwasekuqaleni? Kubonakala ngathi yinkcitho enkulu yexesha. Ngaba awungekhe utsiba umthandazo kwaye ufumane ukuthanda kwakhe? [UGeorge Carlin, usuka “Uyagula”.] Kodwa ukuba kuyintando kaThixo kwaye uyakwenza nantoni na ayifunayo nakanjani na; Kutheni le nto lo mfo uzihlupha ngokuthandaza kwasekuqaleni? Kubonakala ngathi yinkcitho enkulu yexesha. Ngaba awungekhe utsiba umthandazo kwaye ufumane ukuthanda kwakhe? [UGeorge Carlin, usuka “Uyagula”.] Kodwa ukuba kuyintando kaThixo kwaye uyakwenza nantoni na ayifunayo nakanjani na; Kutheni le nto lo mfo uzihlupha ngokuthandaza kwasekuqaleni? Kubonakala ngathi yinkcitho enkulu yexesha. Ngaba awungekhe utsiba umthandazo kwaye ufumane ukuthanda kwakhe? [UGeorge Carlin, usuka "Uyagula".]
Ngaba uyazi ukuba ndithandaza kubani? UJoe Pesci. UJoe Pesci. Izizathu ezibini; Okokuqala, ndicinga ukuba ungumdlali olungileyo. Kulungile. Kum le nto ibalulekile. Isibini; ujongeka njengomfana okwaziyo ukwenza izinto. UJoe Pesci akayeki. Ayijikelezi. Ngapha koko, uJoe Pesci wafumanisa izinto ezimbalwa uThixo awayenengxaki kuzo. Sele kuyiminyaka ndicela uThixo ukuba enze okuthile kummelwane wam onomsindo ngenja ekhonkothayo. UJoe Pesci wayolula loo gazi kunye notyelelo. [UGeorge Carlin, usuka "Uyagula".]
Ndiqaphele ukuba kuyo yonke imithandazo endiyenzileyo kuThixo, kwaye nakuyo yonke imithandazo endiyenzayo ngoku kuJoe Pesci, impendulo imalunga neepesenti ezingama-50 ezifanayo. Isiqingatha sexesha ndifumana le nto ndiyifunayo. Isiqingatha sexesha akunjalo. Njengothixo 50/50. Njenge-clover enamagqabi amane, ihashe, unyawo lomvundla kunye nokunqwenela okuhle. Njengomntu ongu mojo. Njengenenekazi le-voodoo elixelela ithamsanqa ngokucinezela amasende ebhokhwe. Yonke into iyafana; 50/50. Ke khetha iinkolelo zakho, hlala emva, wenze umnqweno kwaye wonwabe. Kwaye abo bajonga kwiibhayibhile ngeempawu zayo zoncwadi kunye nezifundo zokuziphatha; Ndinamanye amabali ambalwa endinokucebisa ngawo. Ungazithanda Ihagu ezintathu ezincinci. Intle leyo. Inesiphelo esihle esonwabisayo. Emva koko kukho iHood Red Riding Hood. Nangona inenxalenye ekalwe nge-x apho iNgcuka eNkulu embi itya uMakhulu. Ngendlela, bendingakhathali. Kwaye okokugqibela, bendisoloko ndifumana uninzi lwentuthuzelo yokuziphatha kwiHumpty Dumpty. Elona candelo ndilithande kakhulu:… kwaye onke amahashe kakumkani nawo onke amadoda kakumkani awakwazanga ukudibana kwakhona. Kungenxa yokuba akukho Humpty Dumpty kwaye akukho Thixo. Akukho namnye. Akuzange kube njalo. Akukho Thixo. [George Carlin, usuka “Uyagula.”] S kuba akukho Humpty Dumpty kwaye akukho Thixo. Akukho namnye. Akuzange kube njalo. Akukho Thixo. [George Carlin, usuka “Uyagula.”] S kuba akukho Humpty Dumpty kwaye akukho Thixo. Akukho namnye. Akuzange kube njalo. Akukho Thixo. [George Carlin, usuka "Uyagula".]