Ubomi emva kobomi? Ugqirha otyhileyo obone izulu emva kwengozi
Njengoko uMary C. Neal ebona, uye waphila ubomi obahlukeneyo bobabini: enye ngaphambi "kwengozi" yakhe, njengoko eyichaza, kwaye enye emva. "Ndingatsho ukuba nditshintshiwe kakhulu kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bam," watsho uNeal, ugqirha wamathambo omqolo ohlonelwayo kwithambo lomqolo eNtshona Wyoming. Iinkcukacha zobomi bam, ngaphambili nangasemva, ziyafana. Kodwa eyona nto ibalulekileyo ebomini bam - ndingubani, into endiyithandayo, endindikhokelayo - yahluke ngokupheleleyo. "
Yintoni engaqhelekanga, ngakumbi xa ucinga ukuba "ingozi" yakhe yayiquka ukufa ngokuntywila, utyelelo olufutshane kakhulu nezidalwa zokomoya ebomini emva kokuba usweleke kunye novuselelo olukhulu emva kwemizuzu eli-14 phantsi kwamanzi, ukubuyisa kubo bonke kwaye bubomi obugqibeleleyo. Kodwa itshintshile ngonaphakade. "Ukususela oko ndithetha nabanye abaye banamava afanayo," utshilo xa wayeqhuba udliwanondlebe kwifowuni yakhe eJackson, eWyo. "Wonke umntu ubuyisa umntu otshintshe kakhulu."
Uyanqumama, aze ongeze ngokuthambileyo: "Ndiyazi ukuba ndenzile." Oko kungathethi ukuba ubomi bakhe ngaphambi kwengozi yakhe babenemfuno enkulu yotshintsho. "Ndicinga ukuba ndandiqhelekile," utshilo echaza ubomi obabubandakanya ukuthembeka kwakhe ecaweni njengomntwana kunye "namava okomoya ngexesha lesikolo esiphakamileyo kunye nekholeji." "Ngefanele ukuba ndizibophelele ngakumbi kukholo lwam lobuKristu," utshilo, ecinga ngeminyaka yabantu abadala ethe wachitha kakhulu ngomsebenzi wakhe wokuhlinzwa. “Bendixakeke kakhulu, njengabantu abaninzi ndibuphila imihla ngemihla. Iinkcukacha zoxanduva lwam lwemihla ngemihla ziqulunqe ngenye indlela uxanduva lwam kwizinto zam zokomoya. "
Wayelikholwa, umntu owayekholelwa kuThixo nakumazwi aphefumlelweyo eBhayibhile. "Ngaphandle kokuzama ukuba ngumntu olungileyo," utshilo, "andicingi ukuba ndithanda inkolo." Yonke into itshintshile ngoJanuwari ka-1999, xa yena nomyeni wakhe uBill baya eChile kwinto ebimelwe ukuba iyinto yokuzijabulisa kunye nokuphumla kwe-kayak kunye nabahlobo emilanjeni kunye namachibi eSouth Lake District yaseChile. Njengokuba echaza kwinto yakhe entsha incwadi, "[Ukuya ezulwini nasemva: ibali eliyinyani lokuhamba ugqirha ngendlela engaqhelekanga]," wayewela amanzi ngosuku lokugqibela lokuhamba ngomkhumbi kwi-Fuy xa i-kayak yakhe yavalwa ngamatye, beyilandela phantsi komda Amanzi anzongonzongo abanzi.
Ngaphandle kwemizamo yakhe emihle yokuzikhulula kwinqanawa, "wabona ngokukhawuleza ukuba andikho kulawulo lekamva lam." Ngokwazi oku, uthi sele efikile kuThixo wacela ukuba angenelele. Ubhala athi: "Lo mzuzu ndaphendukela kuye, ndandixakwe yimvakalelo yokuzola, uxolo kunye nemvakalelo yokuzibamba ngezandla zomntu ngelixa egungxulwa kwaye ethuthuzelwa. Ndabonakala ngathi umntwana umele azive etyhafile kwaye ebhityelwe luthando esibelekweni sikanina. Ndiye ndaziva ndiqinisekile ukuba yonke into izakulunga, ngaphandle kwesiphumo. "
Nangona wayeziva ukuba "U-Thixo ukhona kwaye wayendibambile," wayesazi kakhulu ngemeko yakhe. Wayengaboni okanye eve nantoni na, kodwa wayiva uxinzelelo lwento yangoku yomzimba kunye nokutsala. "Kuyavakala ukuba morbid entle, kodwa ngokombono wamathambo, ndichukumisekile njengoko ndaziva ngathi amathambo am agqobhoza kwaye nemithambo yam iinyembezi," utshilo. “Ndizamile ukuhlalutya iimvakalelo kunye nokujonga ukuba zeziphi na izakhiwo ezichaphazelekayo. Ndaziva ngathi andikho zintlungwini, kodwa ndandizibuza ukuba ingaba ndikhwaza ngokwenene na ndingayazi. Ngapha koko, ndenze uvavanyo olukhawulezileyo ndenza isigqibo sokuba hayi, andikhali. Ndaziva ndonwabile, into engaqhelekanga kuba bendihlala ndisoyika ukuntywila.
Njengoko umzimba wakhe wawusele ukhutshwa kancinci kwi-kayak yakhe, uthi uziva "ngokungathi umphefumlo wam uya ngokuthe ngcembe ukuziva emzimbeni wam." "Ndivile ipop kwaye kwakungathi ndigqibile ukuwususa umaleko wam ongaphandle onzima, ukukhulula umphefumlo wam," wabhala. “Ndisukume ndawushiya umlambo, xa umphefumlo wam waphula amanzi, ndadibana neqela leemiphefumlo ezili-15 okanye ezingama-20 ezazindibulisa ngovuyo olungathethekiyo endakhe ndanalo kwaye bendingenakuze ndilucinge. "
Ichaza indlela awayeziva ngayo ngeloxesha "njengonwaba kwinqanaba eliphakathi ngaphandle kotshintsho". Nangona ebengenakuchonga le miphefumlo ngamagama, waziva ebazi kakuhle "kwaye esazi ukuba bendibazi ngonaphakade". Ngokwengxelo yakhe epapashiweyo, le miphefumlo "yavela njengeefomathi, kodwa hayi ngokugqibeleleyo nangokucacileyo kwemizimba yenyama ebonakalayo esinayo eMhlabeni. Imiphetho yazo imfiliba, kuba wonke umntu wokomoya wayeqaqambile kwaye ebengezelayo. Ubukho bazo buziphethe zonke iimvakalelo zam, ngokungathi ndiyababona, ndibamamele, ndibabeve, babacofe kwaye babangcamle bonke ngaxeshanye. "
Ngelixa ebanga ukuba uyayazi imizamo yokuzama ukuvuselela umzimba wakhe wokomzimba, waziva etsaliwe kumaqabane akhe amatsha kwindlela ekhokelela kwigumbi "elikhulu nelikhanyayo, likhulu kwaye lihle kakhulu kunayo nayiphi na into endicinga ukuyibona. Umhlaba. " Uve ukuba "olu lucango ekufuneka umntu adlule kulo" ukuze "ahlaziye ubomi bethu kunye nokhetho lwethu" kwaye "akhethe uThixo okanye asiyeke". Ubhala athi: "Ndaziva ndikulungele ukungena egumbini kwaye ndizele ngumnqweno onamandla wokuphinda ndidibane noThixo," ubhala.
Kodwa abahlobo bakhe bamchazela ukuba ayilixesha lakhe ukuba bangene - ukuba wayesenomsebenzi awenzayo eMhlabeni. "Bendingonwabanga ukubuya-nyaniseka, ndiyilwe kancinci," utshilo ngexesha lodliwanondlebe, egcuma kwimemori. Kodwa ekugqibeleni, abo afunda nabo bamqinisekisa ukuba abuyele emzimbeni wakhe kwaye aqale inkqubo ende yokuphiliswa kumonzakalo wakhe womzimba kunye nokugqitywa komsebenzi ayazi ukuba ubekelwe elinye ixesha ukuba awugqibe.
Namhlanje, ngaphezulu kweminyaka eli-13 kamva, waphinda waphila ngokupheleleyo - akazange abenengxaki yokulimala kwengqondo nangona wayephantsi kwamanzi kangangemizuzu eli-14- wajongana nobunzima nobomi, kubandakanya nokufa konyana wakhe uWillie kunye nokuthembisa ngokuthembisa ukushushuluza iOlimpiki, ngonyaka ka-1999. Kodwa inxulumene nobomi ngokwahlukileyo kunangaphambili kwengozi kayak.
"Njengoko ndibubona ubomi, yonke imzuzu yemihla ngemihla itshintshile, utshilo. “Indlela endizibona ngayo nabanye itshintshe kakhulu. Indlela endiwenza ngayo umsebenzi wam njengogqirha itshintshile. Ndicinga ukuba ndingugqirha ongcono ngoku, kuba ndizama ukunyanga wonke umntu, hayi nje ukwenzakala. Imingeni ebonakalayo inokuba ngamathuba okukhula- ndicinga ukuba lithemba eliqinisekileyo lokugcina. Ngekhe ndiyenze kwakamsinya.
Kwaye ke uqhubeka nobomi bakhe ngombono omtsha. Uthi ngoku ufumanisa ukuba kulula kakhulu ukulungelelanisa umsebenzi wakhe nenkonzo yosapho, ibandla lakhe kunye noluntu. Usebenze njengomdala kwibandla lakhe le-Presbyterian, kwibhodi yabalawuli bemibutho eliqela engenzi nzuzo, kwaye wanceda ekufumaneni Ingxowa-mali yokuLondolozwa kweNdalo kaWillie Neal. Kwaye, ewe ewe, usalifumana ixesha lokuhamba. Ngokwamava am, ndiyazi ukuba uThixo unecebo kum nakum wonke umntu, utshilo. “Umsebenzi wethu kukumamela kwaye sizame ukumamela le nto isixelela yona nguThixo ngelixa usixelela iimfuno esizenzayo. Owona mceli mngeni kuthi kukuyeka ulawulo kwaye uthobele oko uThixo akufunayo kuthi. "
Ukuba siyakwazi ukubona ukuba singayenza njani, uthi, siya kuba silungile xa kufika ixesha lokungena kweli gumbi likhulu kwaye liqaqambile awadibana nalo ebomini bakhe emva kokuba efile. "Ndijonge phambili kum umhla endibuya ngawo," utshilo ngoku, ephantse wanyibilika. Eli likhaya lethu lokwenyani.